Rose Journey of Adoption

goodbye and hello

2011-04-08T13:04:00.000-07:00

Two blogs are too much....If you email me at nycavalongirl@gmail.com I will send you my one blog I plan to keep up! Sorry!

Light It Up Blue on April 1 and 2

2011-03-16T11:26:00.003-07:00

Show your support for individuals with autism by raising awareness for the disorder.

Raise awareness by:

*Wearing blue on April 1st and 2nd

*Lighting up the outside of your home with blue lights

*Feature the Light It Up Blue logo on your Facebook profile
http://www.lightitupblue.org/2011

*Write a blog post about the event

*Throw a dinner party and special screening of HBOs "Temple Grandin," "Adam," or episodes of Ingenius Minds and/or Parenthood.

*Change your Facebook status to read:
"I know someone who struggles with autism every day. April 2nd has been declared Autism Awareness Day by the United Nations. I'm doing my part by _______________. How are you doing yours?"

*Write a note, and then tag your friends, on Facebook that includes the following facts:

Did you know ...
Autism now affects 1 in 110 children and 1 in 70 boys
Autism prevalence figures are growing
More children will be diagnosed with autism this year than with AIDS, diabetes & cancer combined
Autism is the fastest-growing serious developmental disability in the U.S.
Autism costs the nation over $35 billion per year, a figure expected to significantly increase in the next decade
Autism receives less than 5% of the research funding of many less prevalent childhood diseases
Boys are four times more likely than girls to have autism
There is no medical detection or cure for autism

It Has Been A While

2011-03-08T11:23:00.000-08:00

Since I last wrote, we have had a major illness and two typcially minor surgeries that turned into a long recovery. Both my son and I had ENT issues and had some MAJOR recovery time. I have learned not to listen when the docs say....oh this is so easy, you will recover in NO TIME!

I will say that I was worried but then impressed with the surgical center that Son#1 had his sinus surgery at. We thought we were going to have to raise some "Cane" (where does that phrase really come from?)to get them to let one of us be there when he woke up. We told them that he was not typical 16 year old and what his challenges were. At first, they seemed resistent but then the day of...my hubby and I were relieved that they took so very good care of "all of us" and he did very well.

He was actually a very good patient. Of course, he was on pain meds for a few days so he didn't really feel the "sensory issues" until later with his nose. Overall he did very well and we were very proud of our Aspie! God helped him so much and we are very grateful for that. NOW>>>>>> he is paying us back BIG TIME by resisting getting back into his routine. He is having tatrums and being disrespectful all over the place! Our whole family melted down last night and had it out!!!! Today, we are all a little bruised and battered emotionally but the tension is gone. Tonight we will sit and talk quietly about what happened and work harder to not let that happen again. The good news is that it hasnt happened in a very long time and with all that had gone on....it was a miracle it was only a shouting match!!

(this is what we all felt like last night)

God is good..he will get us through this as He always does. Good to be back....hope everyone is doing well these days! Spring has sprung in the deep south!! Hope you have some where you are!!

Momma Rose

Happy New Year from the Rose Family 2010!!

2010-12-27T16:42:00.000-08:00

We had such a harried Christmas that we decided to send you a “Happy New Year” letter this year. We hope that your Hanukkah and Christmas was beautiful. Mom anf J spent it on the couch being sick while Sand Hubby played nurse! Hubby cooked our Christmas meal all by himself and did a super job. We were very blessed with the generosity and love shown to our family this Christmas through family and friends.

So, in a nutshell………

Hubby has been with his job for 2 and ½ years now, though consistent hours were not there, he still can’t saying anything bad about his place of work. With the economy the way it is, it is what we have for now and wait for some company to see the wow factor in his skills in Administrative Assistance. He has been praying all year for an opportunity to open up for in 2011 and he has called it” MY year for a new career”. He finished his first year as a deacon at our church and has started a men’s ministry there. Our highlight was seeing all the family this summer in New Hampshire and driving up the 8,000 foot narrow road to the top of Mt. Washington. This Christmas we were able to bless several families, which included a coworker. All in all a year filled with growth and many blessings.

Mom spent the year working hard for the Baptists finishing up her 4th year there in August. It is hard to believe it has been almost 5 years have passed since we left NYC and headed south. WOW! She is doing well and has joined Curves losing to the date of this letter 22 pounds. The whole family is on the Rose Road to Better Health this year and we have pledged to donate in cash the number of pounds we have lost… to charity. All four of us have changed our eating habits and have seen significant difference in the boy’s behavior as well as Hubby and Momma feeling great!! She finished helping organize and implement the 2nd annual Toy Sale for parents and they served over 200 families who represented about 1000 people. Many families had lost jobs this year or were working but the salaries were not helping meet financial obligations. Four people that we know about received the Lord as their personal Lord and Savior. Lisa was thrilled!

J turned 16 in June and has blossomed in so many ways. He also started high school and has had a big time adjusting to the fact that the teachers will not fall for his charm and wit in order to get a good grade! Hard lesson learned but he is getting on track. He has some good teachers this year who really care that he succeeds. He also has been attending the Therapeutic Rec Center and working on his muscles. He played baseball and was on a bowling team this year. He is really into all sports and we love that he enjoys being so active. He was diagnosed this last year with Asperger’s Syndrome so we are adjusting and shifting sails in his treatment and lifestyle. Again, the diet we are all on has helped his focus and behavior immensely! We are very proud of his hard work last year and he ended junior high on a good note.

S has been growing by leaps and bounds and turned 15 in September. His health overall is great and we continue to watch and monitor his Marfan’s. He has finally HIT puberty and is it is in FULL FORCE right now. S is typically pretty even tempered and quiet but he is stretching his wings and finding his place in this family (sometimes the rough and bumpy way). He became OFFICIAL on July 22 of this year and we are so happy to have him fully a part of the family. Overall he has done very well this past year and is as smart as a whip. He too started high school and has had some challenges adjusting to the grueling schedule but doing well. He took a cooking class and other fun classes at the MTRC and enjoyed that immensely! Our favorite moment was when we were eating dinner one night and asked him what he cooked that day and he said, “Caucasian Salad” and we finally figured out that he was meaning Cajun Salad!! We laughed and laughed over that one.

One of the great things about our family is that we try our best to eat supper together every night. When we get that chance, we have some lively conversations and some doosies pop up like the conversation above. Those will make great memories and certainly we foresee these stories “popping up” if they get married one day! Hehe We have learned a lot about blending these four families this year. Everyone comes into it with old habits, traditions and ways of thinking about the world. It has been sometimes challenging to know what to keep, what to discard and then making new memories.

One thing that has been a theme with our boys is that they are learning that when they take things into their own hands, they end up getting into trouble. We thought about how we are like that with the Lord. Instead of following his Word, we take our lives into our own hands and then a lot of times end up screwing things up. A lot of times, God asks us to trust that He is in charge and He will guide our steps. We get too frantic or anxious and do it ourselves and it turns out to not be a great idea! We are thankful that through our boys lives, Hubby and I continue to learn lessons about our relationships with our Lord and Savior through our boys. They keep us on our toes for sure!

We continue to appreciate your support, love and prayers as we continue this journey of life. May God’s peace fill you up in 2011 and may He be even more real to you as you journey through this life.

Funny for Today.........

2010-10-28T08:31:00.000-07:00

Me: What did you make in cooking class today?

Son#2: Caucasian Salad(Cajun salad)

It Is About Time!

2010-10-25T09:16:00.000-07:00

I got to work this Monday morning thinking it was going to be a drab, rainy day in the 'hood! I am listening to messages and lo and behold...this guy from another church is calling to see if the Baptists want to help get a disabilities ministry together here in my city! I have been praying for someone to do this..or at least get it started....and it happened today! That is all I can say now but there are plans not only to do some "projects" together to help families but educate churches about disabilities. YAY doesn't seem adequate but there is A LOT of umph behind this!

I am happy already and I have only been to work for 2 hours now. I don't even have to do anything else this week. hehe

Letting Go and Letting God

2010-10-22T06:50:00.000-07:00

"I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." – Philippians 1:3-6

Today I am standing on this promise from scripture. We are all here for a purpose. We all are being "smoothed out" over the years. We are a work in progress.

I have to keep that in mind not only about my sons, but me too! I tend to be very hard on myself when my children don't seem to be moving forward. I think it is up to me to "unstick" them. It is not. It is my Savior and Lord's job to work in both Drama Boy and Opie. They are in a very difficult season of their lives-adolescence with a huge dose of Bipolar, Autism, Connective Tissue Disorder and grief from their pasts. How in the world do I think that I have the where with all to unstick YEARS of abuse and trauma AND think I am a medical doctor who can "undo" physical problems????? Sometimes I am so full of myself under the guise of wanting to fix things.

So.......I am learning day by day..ONE DAY at a time to let go and let God...a saying I became familiar with as I attended AL ANON(my dad was an alcoholic)in my early 20's. The 12 steps of recovery are appropriate for me in my situation of trying to be ALL to my children when I see them being stuck and they are a HUGE reminder to me that I am NOT in control.

IF God is who He says He is...and His Word is true then I need to rest in the fact that that HE can take where my children are and use them for His Glory. He can use them "just as they are". That HE who began a good work in them...will not stop until HE has completed HIS work. THAT is what I am standing on today.

12 STEP REMINDERS(with a Biblical viewpoint)

1.We admitted we were powerless over ______(fill in the blank) that our lives had become unmanageable.
"I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out." (Romans 7:18)
2.Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
"... my grace is sufficient for you, for my POWER is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9) ..for it God Who works in you to will and act according to His good purpose.. (Phil. 2:13)
3.Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of GOD as we understood Him.
"... If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." (Luke 9:23)
4.Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
"Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord." (Lamentations 3:40)
5.Admitted to GOD, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed." (James 5:16)
6.Were entirely ready to have GOD remove all these defects of character.
"If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the best from the land." (Isaiah 1:19)
7.Humbly asked Him to remove all our shortcomings.
"Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up." (James 4:10)
8.Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift." (Matthew 5:23, 24)
9.Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Give and it shall be given you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." (Luke 6:38**)
10.Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
"For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith GOD has given you." (Romans 12:3)
11.Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with GOD as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will, and the power to carry that out.
"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer." (Psalm 19:14)
"Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly..." (Col. 3:16)
12.Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others and practice these principles in all our affairs.
"Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." (Galatians 6:1-2)

(all references are from AA and the Bible)

Thoughts

2010-10-12T17:52:00.000-07:00

I havent written in a while. We have made it through the first 9 weeks of high school. Son#2(the youngest)is doing very well. He has adjusted and just goes with the flow of things. I love how he welcomes life and though he struggles sometimes with some social issues and his chronic physical issues, he just keeps on truckin'!!!

Son#1 on the other hand is a handful. He resists everything and hates adult authority. He thinks the world is out to get him and that all teachers suck. He is afraid of growing up...he has turned into Peter Pan lately. Stuck between childhood and adulthood. Not wanting to go forward...wishing he could go backward. I imagine he is quite miserable. He has brought a lot on himself by wanting to stay 6 years old. I wish I knew what changed as he got older. We can't quite get that out of his aunts and uncles who have told us most of his story. With his FAS/Autism and Bipolar, the boy has huge challenges ahead of him and the icing on the cake are his adoption issues. All of that is entangled and he can't seem to be set free from any of it.

Hubby and I are at a loss as to how to help him want to grow up. We are on our knees a lot and are baffled a lot. We have started stepping back some so that we can see how much he knows. We are saddened because he is so handsome and tender hearted under all the layers of pain and grief and illness.

I have to have hope though. Otherwise, I would lose it!! (-; When I look at these pictures, I see something bigger than me and I am so grateful that HE exists. Without HIM, I would go nuts.

(pictures are from the Hubble Telescope)

NEWSFLASH!! Special-needs children put extra pressure on working parents DUH!

2010-09-21T15:45:00.000-07:00

I thought this was one of those DUH moments..... but it did have some good tips on working with your employers concerning your kids special needs.

Special-needs children put extra pressure on working parents - KansasCity.com

Reconciliation

2010-09-03T07:53:00.000-07:00

After last weekends episode, hubby and I had the rest of the week to reflect, cry and forgive. I am learning so much about God's love this week.... about how important it is to forgive my son and balance that forgiveness with acceptance of where he is in life.

Our wonderful therapist whom we have had now for 4 years has seen Jason grow a lot and as we talked(she is so good about having "phone FREE therapy sessions" when we need them(we live an hour and a half from her office)she reminded me about how far he had come, re-stated the safety plan we had made a few years back when he was diagnosed and reminded me of how good hubby and I had handled things over the years. She was our restoration to sanity. She is believer in Christ so that helps too. She was extremely encouraging.

Hubby and I took care of ourselves this week and did some fun things(like buy a new couch and rearrange the living room and dining room last night). That felt good. Son#2 gets to go to the lake with a friend tomorrow and hubby and I(as recommended by the therapist)are going to sit down with Drama Boy while he is in a calm state and review last weekend. Then he and dad are going to go play video games at the arcade.

Everyone gets to do something fun..I will be at home alone and getting a nap or a bath or just read for a few hours! YAY!

Everything once again restored for a little while...and every time we get stronger and stronger!

Happy LABOR day everyone!

Threats

2010-09-01T12:41:00.000-07:00

Drama Boy had another rapid cycling manic/depressive episode this last week and at the end of it, he was frustrated and annoyed at EVERYBODY.

We were in the car and for the gazillionth time we found out he was "throwing gang signs"(or trying to anyway)at his new school. He thinks that by being in a gang, he will be a "part" of something big and nothing anyone can say or do will convince him otherwise. Anyway, we reminded him AGAIN that it was not a safe thing to do since he would be considered a "wanna be" and the gangs here would get mad at him. Then he looked at me with the eeriest look and said something very threatening. Although he SAYS it wasnt toward us, the look in his eye said something else. That day, the innocence went away from our family. Nothing has ever been said so violent for the last 6 years and that day it ended. We tried to ignore it and just said, "good luck with that" as we have learned to NOT reason with him when he is in this manic phase. Then he started crying and said, I really didnt mean it. It was as if he had come out of some trance and realized what he had said.

I have to confess to you that our family has been in a daze the last few days. Our youngest has had a stomach ache for the last few days and I had a panic attack after the boys went to sleep. My husband and I laid down on our bed last night and both cried...sobbed was more like it. We are so in love with our boy and we ache that he is in so much pain but what do you do? He is 16 now and whether we like it or not, the law here in my state doesnt really care that he has a mental illness or Aspergers or been alcohol affected! They will arrest him for saying what he did to us if he says it to a stranger and he will be in jail and become someones "boy toy"(sorry if I sound a little scathed but I lived in a very large city and worked with prisoners for a time and know what goes on in prison!).

I am tired still and this all happened Sunday. He is getting older and braver and all those angry thoughts he has had toward his birth family are now coming out onto us! He hates boundaries so much and he gets soooo angry when we give them to him. He is very UN motivated to talk things out and deal with those issues. Therapist is being very patient with him but she is at a stand still.

One humorous note...how did this happen? Somehow he and I have lined up our "cycles" and so my poor husband is just shaking his head...it is NOT pleasant when Drama Boy crosses me! Poor hubby!

For My Friends Who Have Kids Who Need a Voice....Ours!

2010-08-24T13:11:00.001-07:00

Toothbrush for Sensory Challenged Kids!

2010-08-23T09:06:00.000-07:00

A friend recommended this toothbrush to us as our boys have sensory issues with their teeth. It is a 3 sided toothbrush with a snug grip to the teeth and has worked very well. Try it! It is no more expensive than a regular tooth brush and actually works well on getting their teeth clean. It is a tight on each side so it grips the teeth on all sides!

www.dentrust.com

Choosing To See

2010-08-23T08:43:00.001-07:00

Highly recommend this book. If you know the Chapman family(as in Steven Curtis)you know that 2 years ago their young adopted daughter, Maria,lost her life in a tragic accident. Mary Beth recounts her journey with God leading up to her child's death and how God can bring healing to families who experience tragedy. She talks about how God led her and her husband to adopt and then help other families adopt. Beautiful testimony of God's Grace and Love for us all!

They have them on Amazon for a good price!!

Happy Monday!

Meeting Blogger Mom Friends

2010-08-19T15:36:00.000-07:00

Am at a State Permanency Conference learning about FASD and other important adoptive mom things here where I live and got to meet up with THREE blogger friends, Jenny, Claudia and Kari. C and K came all the way from the north to present! They did an excellent job on several different topics that were relevant to our family! Thanks ladies!

It is always fun putting real people with their blogs!
More later!

Dinner was great with Claudia and Kari! YUM!

I get a night alone in a hotel room with cable and internet! woohoo!

School Has Started....

2010-08-13T07:48:00.001-07:00

Don't they look thrilled??

Not there yet.........

2010-08-03T19:32:00.000-07:00

In the past 2 years, we have been told our son has Bipolar, Asperger's and was alcohol exposed in the womb. I am not there yet. Where, you may ask? I am not at the place yet where I can see this as a blessing. I am still angry from time to time. I am angry that these things could have been managed better if he had had better care before and after he was born. I am mad because on top of these challenges, he had a LOUSY upbringing and hates authority. I am mad because the world he came from contradicts everything I grew up with and value. I am mad that some days he wants to be like his birth father (who by the way is in and out of jail and in my words A PERV!!)and not like the father he has now.

I am mad because I am in a yahoo group of women who have little ones with some of the same challenges and are talking all the time about how they would never trade their child's illness for normalcy because the child has helped them grow. (WHAT THE HECK?) SERIOUSLY??? Cause I would in a New York minute. I would love for my child to be able to think and talk coherently. I would love for my child to have typical friends and do typical things. I would love to not to have to drive 3 hours round trip almost every week sometimes to his therapist or one of the FIVE doctors he sees! (and the 8 my other son sees!!) I would love to not have to explain every single freaking year to his teachers that "no he is not doing all this on purpose" that he really has a disability!!! I would love for him to be able to concentrate long enough in class to take down his homework and actually bring it home. REALLY....I would like all this to go away some days.

And today was one of those days....Drama Boy AKA Patrick from Sponge Bob, has been terrified of going to high school so much so that he has had about a meltdown a week and is talking CRAZY SH**T to try and get himself hospitalized so he doesn't have to go to HS. The boys and I signed up to learn Spanish this summer and he had a meltdown this morning AND going into the class, then talked incoherently the whole time and then whined and complained over a consequence I had give him earlier. I barely made it to work with half a mind today....I wanted to crawl in my bed and sleep all day but...can't do that! Have to work so we can pay all the doctor bills etc that he needs. I know for the big picture that ALL things work together for good but please....I need a break once in a while!

I'm just not there yet.....

It was a LONGGGGGG day and as I sat down just now to read email and such..I came across this email from Children of Destiny(www.childrenofdestiny.org) which is a prayer website for parents and friends of those who are on the Autism spectrum but could really be used for ANY challenge our children have. Look at what it says.....

I feel like I am back on track now.....I stopped and remembered WHO is in charge of my son and what God is doing on the INSIDE...that He IS doing something...

**********************************************

"We are looking all the time not at the visible things but at the invisible. The visible things are transitory: it is the invisible things that are really permanent."
(2 Corinthians 4:18, PH)

Parent's Prayer:

Heavenly Father,
Today we pray that you would help us to embrace the truth of this verse. Lord, those things that are visible-our homes, our clothing, even the trails we face-are not the unseen things that will last into eternity, such as salvation, grace, peace, and joy. Father, help us to see those things that have eternal value and to have the wisdom to pursue that which will store up treasures for ourselves in heaven. Give us the perspective of eternity on the struggles we have today. We thank you that your plans and purposes for each of us are a valuable part of who we are meant to be on earth, and extend into who we will become in heaven, where there is no sickness, sadness, or tears. We thank you for the promises we have for today, and for the promises we have for eternity with you.
In Jesus' Name,
Amen

It Is Done!

2010-07-26T19:58:00.001-07:00

Thursday, July 22, 2010 He became ours forever! He is legal now!

For the First Time....

2010-07-12T13:20:00.000-07:00

For the first time in a very long time....our boys had a very good day with a friend. Usually there is a meltdown from Drama Boy and then the kid doesn't want to come back. Saturday....our two boys and another ASPIE, who is by the way, WAY more advanced than our boys and he is 13 (ours are 14/16.

After the long day together, both of our boys did well until Sunday afternoon, Drama Boy wanted to revert back to being 6 and asked his brother if he wanted to "play" restaurant. Opie was quiet and then said, "no....we are too old to play restaurant, we need to be working in one!" Drama Boy was very upset that thing didn't go his way. He started "playing BiPolar"(he is BP but he pulls out that card when he doesn't want to take responsibility or something doesn't go his way..."oh I'm Bipolar OR It is my bipolar that is making me do these things"--- like act 6).

Anyway..it was good day! I am very proud of them for that good day. It helps them when other kids are around them who have similar issues: adopted, mental illnesses, Autism etc. to just be and not have the pressure to perform and try to figure out what the heck the typical kids are doing. this almost reenergizes them to get out there and face the world!

You Are Invited to Attend............

2010-07-09T11:22:00.000-07:00

In 13 days we will finalized the adoption of our 14 year old son, better known as Opie, and the lack of enthusiasm among people is amazing. If we were having a baby, there would be showers and parties all over the wazoo! That is what they do at our church for babies..big parties, etc.

I have sent out an invite for people to join us in one of two ways that day...one at the court house and brunch afterwards OR our family dedication ceremony a few days later. (a reception will follow that we are having to plan because no one sees a need for a party at our church....don't get me started!!) The lack of enthusiasm is amazing to me...comments to my face now have been.."well, he is 14, its not like he is a baby", Or well, "we wish you well". Or and here is the big one..someone actually emailed this...why does a 14 year old need a party?

I am ranting today because we made the mistake of having been a part of a wonderful church in another town who celebrated BIG TIME with us in adopting Drama Boy(and they will probably be sending him cards and letters for the occasion and we have been gone 4 years)...had a ceremony, threw a party, gave gifts, made a cake!! It was amazing. They even had a time for people to go around and give Drama Boy a blessing!
We are here now and poor Opie, he saw pictures of Drama Boys party and wants "one of those"....soooooo we will plan and do it big for him even if no one else helps!!!

WE will make sure he is celebrated and show him how much WE love him and are glad he is in our home....WE will pick up the pieces of disappointment if he picks some up from others. WE will have a party and celebrate!

Someone told me "well, you all are having to teach these people how to care for adoptees!" Well, maybe for that day, I don't want to be teaching. We want everyone to celebrate with us and for once...stop teaching and be loved on..you know???

Just some 4th of July Pictures!

2010-07-08T11:40:00.000-07:00

Happy Adoption Day Drama Boy!

2010-07-02T14:34:00.001-07:00

What a guy! Six years! Wow..I think I will keep him!

Son# 2

2010-07-01T14:21:00.001-07:00

Trust and Waiting

A couple of weeks ago, my son (who is slightly OCD and has some stealing issues)got fixated on a cheap version of some travel computer game at CVS. He asked me if he could have it. I told him I would be happy to give him a few extra chores to earn some money. He curled up his nose and with a grimace on his face, walked away. I knew we weren't done with this but waited to see what he would ask next(he likes to push things).

A few days later I got up and was trying to get everyone else out of the house on time(hubby had already gone to work)and as I was checking everything, I noticed that the $40 that hubby left on the table was missing. I called him to see if he had laid it somewhere else and he said no, he had left it there. I KNEW then what had happened. Son#2 had stolen it. When I confronted it, he denied it. He then decided to blame his older brother(whose M.O. is NOT stealing but crying to get what he wants)and then proceeded to make up various stories. (In our house, if you tell the truth and fess up about the crime....the "time" is less than if you continue to deny something and we find out later! ) He continued to deny it and then finally after a stare down, he went and got the money and handed it over. I gave him the consequence, I told him it was wrong and he went off on me. He did what he usually does when he doesn't get his way...scream, holler and run around like a 3 year old(he is 14!!) Well, we finally got off and although everything was crazy..we made it out of the house.

Later that day..he came and apologized. We talked some. He told me he had prayed about getting the money. I told him God had actually answered him in two ways.
1. I had offered him a way to earn the money and

2. I had actually by the end of the week decided to stop by CVS and get it for him as a gift(the day he stole the money).

He threw his hands up and was very embarrassed. He had decided to take things into his own hands and "take" the money that did not belong to him to get what he wanted instead of taking the honest way out. We talked about trust and waiting (neither of which is his forte').

I thought about that. When we have a need, how often do we "take things into our own hands...only later to see that there was a better way"? If Son#2 had waited, he would have been pleasantly surprised and would have enjoyed the game as a "gift" rather than stealing the money AND had no bad consequences. He didn't think and he didn't trust. I wonder what would happen if we "thought and trusted" before we did things that end up getting us painful consequences?

I see that a lot in ministry. People come to us at the ministry centers or the church AFTER they have made some painful mistakes and are reaping the pain! They had acted impulsively and not "waited" for what could have been a more pleasant ending.

Philippians 4:19
But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

Dont Forget to Buy A Frosty This Weekend for Adoption!

2010-06-18T09:05:00.000-07:00

Drama Boy Turns 16 Today!

2010-06-14T08:10:00.001-07:00

Drama Boy 2004/Drama Boy 2010

OMG!!!! I can't believe that Drama Boy is 16!! Time flies. I am mixed. I am seeing some (shhhh..dont tell him)maturity in him over the last few months(drugs helped...prescription that is!)and yet...there are other areas where I am hoping and praying he does some growing in or we will be finding another home with a basement apt so he can live with us. (Not liking that!) NOT driving this year either! When one only looks at your feet when you are practicing driving, it is not time yet!

BUT...lets be positive! Here are some things he has accomplished these last 6 years! He came to us not knowing how to do these things at age 10.

He can read.
He can sit in class and get through 90% of it without spasing out or causing a ruckus!
He is getting A's and B's and C's in a REGULAR classrom!
He can dress himself and actually pick colors that match!
He can bathe himself properly(we are still working on deoderant)
He can get up and do his "morning list" without forgetting.
He can cook some now.(If we can only help him udnerstand that he has to actually stay at the stove or in the kitchen while cooking!!)
He can do sports really well now.
He can now look you in the eye for about 80% of the time now.
He stopped cursing!
He can walk flat on the floor now withing doing his bird dance walk. (tippy toes)
He can be reprimanded most of the time now without having a tantrum.
He can wash, dry and put dishes up (all clean)
He can do chores that he does really really well!

These are just a few things he has acomplished over the last 6 years of being in our family. We look back today and celebrate! All of these things may sound simple to most, but he struggled with all of these things and they were all HARD to overcome.
Even though he still struggles with other things now that he is growing up....he has overcome a lot!

We are proud him our Drama Boy! We love him and wouldnt want it any other way!

Good Day Today

2010-06-12T17:30:00.000-07:00

We had a good day. It has been a while. Drama Boy had a moment when he was told he had to mow some of the yard over because it was still high grass. He almost lost it....but he gathered himself together and got back on track. Of course, there was a girl involved today. She is a few years younger and a friend to both of the boys but....both of them are starting to "like" her a bit. That will be interesting.

We bowled this morning with our Miracle League Team. It is a team for kids and youth with special needs of ALL kinds. ANY KID who needs some more time or less competition can be on it. It is great. There is no stress and the boys do really well. They get some exercise, are with other kids who have similar struggles and just plain have fun(what a concept). Then, we had to come home and start the yard. It was REALLY, REALLY hot today. 99 degrees. We worked ALL day and added some hose play with water too so that helped.

My husband and I teach 5th/6th grade SS at our small little church and most of the kids there have ADHD or some challenge so it will probably be a zoo tomorrow. We are grilling hot dogs and we have a water slide and some other games that should keep them busy. I can predict that our two girls in the class will complain and fret about being "bored" and then go home and say that they had a blast! They are 11 and 12. Need I say more?

I am proud of the boys. Today was a "normal" day for our family and we cherish it. Tomorrow may be different.

Drama boy turns 16 on Monday and looks 12 so that has been hard for him. He is noticing even through his Aspie mind that he is shorter and "different"(BM drank and drugged during pregnancy). We are trying to help him find his niche' at 16 but it is really hard. He gives up easily and that is a challenge. He has it in his mind that he can just do something without practice! That has been interesting.

Well..I am tired and still need to get some food ready for tomorrow. I am on the edge of teetering into bed and so I need to run.......will show some pictures. Hope everyone is getting along well!
Lisa

Grief and Screaming

2010-06-10T12:08:00.000-07:00

If it were only that easy!

*********************************************************************
I should have known that Opie was about to grieve some more. When he goes through a grieving period, he becomes obstinate and demanding. If he gets confronted, he lets out his primal scream.

Last night it started over the dishes and kitchen not being cleaned correctly. He has this thing for control(I feel sorry for his future boss and wife!!)It ended up on the couch after he had calmed down and him crying because he couldn't remember what his birthmom sounded like. (she is deceased) After some heavy crying, he told me he needed " a long hug".

First I was proud of him for telling me what he needed...but...we have to help him NOT screech and scream which is an obvious manipulation which worked in his birth home and foster placements. He had made the adults in his life "scared" of him so they let him do whatever he wanted. Any ideas? We usually walk out of the room but he just follows screaming as if he is being beaten to death(we dont touch him)because he doesn't want to do something.....

I am sure all the changes have affected him too....school is out, he is going to HS, summer is not very structured this year, his finalization is coming up in July!

Any ideas on techniques for getting the volume down??

Funny for Today!

2010-06-10T08:06:00.001-07:00

The purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

This Was Me and Hubby This Past Weekend AND this Morning....

2010-06-07T09:31:00.000-07:00

Lord, help hubby and I survive adolescence AND all that other stuff! We need a break today...

Changes and Perceptions

2010-06-04T08:49:00.001-07:00

Have a good weekend! We are dealing with new braces on a sensory challenged/OCD 14 year old this weekend! YIKES!

You should read Kari's post from yesterday....we can all relate! It is amazing what people perceive about adoption and what we all live through....
www.coffeecatharsis.blogspot.com

Seriously!

Growing Up and Prayer

2010-05-27T18:43:00.000-07:00

My boys got through Junior High yesterday. They walked across the stage and got a certificate and some awards. I cried. I cried when the made it through 6th grade(elementary)too. Now, our last hurdle...high school. Eeyore does not like school and Opie LOVES it! Eeyore gives me a thousand reasons why he doesn't need to read and Opie reads a million books! What to do...

Prayer has gotten us this far...He will get us through the rest. It is interesting. We were watching a movie tonight(Eeyore has a hard time sitting still in movies so we usually watch them at home so he can take breaks)and I looked over at Eeyore and he has grown so much. He has growth issues...his bone age is 12 and his real age is 16(next month)but for some reason...he has shot up lately, maybe from yesterday! He has hair on his lip...okay fuzz but anyway....he just looks so handsome. I am praying to God that his brain growth catches up with him at least to a point where he can make some better decisions than his birth parents. (momma was a druggie...daddy a druggie and sex offender who he never met..thank God!)

I worry about him a lot. He has Aspergers/Bipolar. I wonder how he will ever make it in this world. He may have to do some Independent living thing or we find a home where he can have some privacy...a basement apt or something. He is very careless and spacy a lot of times. We havent even begun to teach him to drive. I tried once last summer and he looked down at the pedal instead of the window! I think I may need to leave that to Drivers Ed! He tries..he has a good heart. But, he just doesn't get things. He is a "magnet" for scams and people taking advantage of him. (the kids take his money at school by scamming him).

I started a prayer page on facebook that is private. My husband and have over 300 pray-ers. It is private. We just needed that extra support. I am amazed at some of the things that we have seen come about because of that prayer group.

I am tired tonight because this is the boys first time to stay home alone all day. They did very well. I checked in every few hours and left a list with some direction. That helped. They were calmer tonight and I think felt pretty proud that they accomplished that. Luckily, I work about 10 minutes away and can jet home if needed(I have a gracious boss).

Okay..Lord...here we go again. We made it through elementary. We made it through junior high.. Now you need to do your stuff and help us make it through HS.

Thanks for your promises...

"Be determined and confident. Do not be afraid or dismayed for I the Lord, your God, am with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

How We All Feel...........

2010-05-21T09:19:00.000-07:00

I borrowed this from a friends moms blog.It says everything my husband and I feel about our own journey. Funny..her journey is dealing with her daughters massive stroke(in her 20's) and though she is alive and wasn't expected to survive..the journey they are now living is not easy. Mom moved out to help with daughter and family........ funny how those of us who have difficult issues with our children...all sound the same.

We just got an official diagnosis today for Eeyore that he defintely shows all the characterisitcs of Aspergers so we got it on his IEP and it will bring some relief for our child!(at least at school)

Hope this gives you some encouragement today.

"Everyone asks very realistic, reasonable questions about the future. And I always answer in the same naïve/cliché-kind of way. “One day at a time…let each day’s trouble be sufficient for the day…” yada yada yada.

The reality is that we are often terrified, and if we look down, we’ll drown. Fall off the tightrope into the bottomless chasm of despair and doubt.

So faith is not a virtue, it is a necessity. It is not something that has to be worked up; it is the air that we breathe in order to survive.

I am nothing, nothing, nothing at all without it.

I can do nothing without it.

I don’t know what fresh hell tomorrow holds.

But I do know that if I don’t fling myself into the arms of my compassionate Father and beg for mercy, I might as well just lay down and die.

Some days that would be a welcome relief from the pain of existence on this fatally flawed planet.

So I fix my eyes on what is unseen. I lie down for a minute when my sweet love/little tormentor takes his nap. And I ask for refreshing.

“Times of refreshing come from the Lord.”*

They really do.

I receive what I need in order to take the next step.

The pilgrimage is often hard and tiring. There are falls and bruises and hundreds of glasses of spilled milk and broken things along the way. Aching backs and heads. A deeper exhaustion than I’ve ever known.

But we can’t give up.

We crawl on, limping and bleeding, to the finish line.

Where there is true rest at last."

I Have Hope Today That Our Kids WILL Experience Wholeness One Day!

2010-05-19T14:09:00.000-07:00

HAVE HOPE!

So much pain and no good reason why You've cried until the tears run dry And not...
So much pain and no good reason why
You've cried until the tears run dry
And nothing here can make you understand
The one thing that you held so dear
Is slipping from your hands
And you say

Why, why, why
Does it go this way
Why, why, why
And all I can say is

[Chorus:]
Somewhere down the road
There'll be answers to the questions
Somewhere down the road
Though we cannot see it now
Somewhere down the road
You will find mighty arms reaching for you
And they will hold the answers at the end of the road

Yesterday I thought I'd seen it all
I thought I'd climbed the highest wall
Now I see the learning never ends
And all I know to do is keep on walking
Walking 'round the bend, saying

Why, why, why
Does it go this way
Why, why, why
And all I can say is

[Chorus]

Why, why, why
Does it go this way
Why, why, why
And all I can say is
All I know to say now

Frustrations......

2010-05-17T08:39:00.000-07:00

The boys last week of school has started this morning with a bang! They both HATE change more than the average kid and it sucks for them and us when they act out their frustrations. So..we got up, got them somewhat ready for school(this morning neither wanted to brush their teeth..AND YES...today was orthodontist day for Opie).

We got Opie to the orthodontist and yes he is going to need braces but he will also most likely need oral surgery to fix his jaw which is tiny tiny. It is so tiny that they couldnt get the mouthpiece in very well in order to get a mold. He cried and wiggled and screamed once(I know it must hurt..they were having to push it in). If you have had braces, you know the process is uncomfortable at first and sometimes along the way...Opie doesnt do physically uncomfortable(sensory issues)!!

Anyway, we got the first step done and on June 3rd, we will see if the spacers did any good. If not, reconstructive jaw surgery will be in order. He will not like this. It most likely will require that his mouth be wired for 8-10 weeks afterward while the jaw is healing. Again, Opie dont like pain!!

This is another part of the onion being peeled away. We go in thinking that he will just need braces...but then there are deeper wounds...all because of neglect. I am so angry some moments. Our boys sooooooooooo need a break with physical issues.

Well....we will go down this road like we have with other things. Be there for him. Take the news and move forward...what else can you do??

Happy Monday!
Momma

GREAT CONFERENCE

2010-05-15T16:04:00.001-07:00

I attended the Alabama Foster/Adoptive Parent Annual Meeting and had a very fun time. I needed some respite. Hubby decided to stay home with Eeyore and Opie so I could have a few days away. After Mothers Day, this was a blessing. It was my first meeting with this bunch of great and wonderful people. I met a blog friend who is not a REAL friend. She is great. Everyone who knew we knew each other from this blog said...oh yeah...your "Email" friend. I was glad we could say we actually KNEW each other now. It was nice to sit with some new friends and see a few "old" friends too.

We had several conversations with folks after hours and it was good to hear their stories and share our family's story! There is a lot of catharsis in that. Knowing someone "gets" your family. If you have the opportunity to go to a state foster/adopt convention, go! It really gets you revived.

Back home with new perspective today. I have gotten some rest, been encouraged and revived and ready to hit the ground running!! WOOHOO!

I was perusing my pictures and saw these of Drama Boy(brown hair)and Opie(blondie)
when they were younger and just wanted to put them on here. They WERE so cute! (-;

(I found these old pictures of the boys) Opie is on the bottom and Eeyore on the top)

"Happy" Mothers Day....right!!

2010-05-09T09:51:00.000-07:00

For 6 years, I have had the same crazy, selfish Mothers Day. I guess it is time to stop expecting things that don't exist and then I won't be very disappointed, huh?

It has been so volatile this weekend that my husband forgot to wash the clothes and they are at church and I am here sitting here waiting for my clothes to finish(all of them were dirty) so that we can go to a lunch that will end up who knows....I just need to stop wishing. I'm jealous of other mothers who have kids who love them and want to show it. I'm sad today.

I hate the birth mothers right now... one had the gall to call my son and ask him what he was sending her for mothers day. He got tongue tied and now feels guilty. She is a former druggie AND mentally challenged. What do you do? She probably forgot she said anything to him...yet I have had to help him through the confusion all week! Go figure. I am cleaning up the birth mothers messes every day! Don't I get a break?

Happy Mothers Day to me???

Sorry for the rant...I usually am a very positive person. Today affects me too, I guess! I will come through this again..I think next year, I will go away and the kids will stay here.

Hug a Foster Parent This Month!!

2010-05-06T08:57:00.001-07:00

May is National Foster Care Month....show gratitude today for those who have stepped in the Gap and are raising children who need moms and dads!!

IT IS FINALLY GOING TO HAPPEN

2010-04-29T08:16:00.000-07:00

July 22nd
9:30am
Probate Office

Opie will be ours LEGALLY after TWO YEARS AND FIVE MONTHS OF WAITING FOR SOCIAL SERVICES TO GET THEIR ACT TOGETHER AND GET THIS FOURTEEN YEAR OLD CHILD A PERAMENT HOME....

Happy Earth Day..Psalm 151

2010-04-22T09:35:00.000-07:00

"... In his hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind." (Job 12:7-10)

"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard. Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world." (Psalm 19:1-4; cf. Psalm 97:6)

"Ever since the creation of the world his eternal power and divine nature, invisible though they are, have been understood and seen through the things he has made. So they are without excuse." (Romans 1:20)

"Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad, let the sea resound, and all that is in it; let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them. Then all the trees of the forest will sing for joy; they will sing before the Lord." (Psalm 96:11-13)

"Praise the Lord from the earth, you great sea creatures and all ocean depths, lightning and hail, snow and clouds, stormy winds that do his bidding, you mountains and all hills, fruit trees and all cedars, wild animals and all cattle, small creatures and flying birds." (Psalm 148:7-10)

"You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands." (Isaiah 55:12)

"You shall not pollute the land in which you live.... You shall not defile the land in which you live, in which I also dwell..." (Numbers 35:33-34)

*************************
Testify to Love by Avalon

All the colors of the rainbow
All of voices of the wind
Every dream that reaches out
That reaches out to find where love begins
Every word of every story
Every star in every sky
Every corner of creation lives to testify

Chorus

For as long as I shall liveI will testify to
I will be a witness in the silences when words are not enough
With every breath I take I will give thanks to God above
For as long as I shall liveI will testify to love

From the mountains to the valleys
From the rivers to the sea
Every hand that reaches outEvery hand that reaches out to offer peace
Every simple act of mercy
Every step to kingdom come
All the Hope in every heart will, speak what love has done.

Reality

2010-04-06T11:16:00.000-07:00

I had some thoughts yesterday as my 15 yr old son was pining about how pitiful his life is and how he is "chained" to his behavior for life. And how he wishes he could go back and have "the easy" life he did at grandpas. yada yada. I decided to go and scrub the bathroom since I needed some time think and pray.

Here are my thoughts...good, bad or ugly....you choose! But they are thoughts.....my thoughts.

I have to confess that I have never really understood the whole, "we feel as if we have had him since the day he was born...thing" and "he doesn't seem like he is even adopted after being with us for so long". Here are the facts to those statements, at least in my world.

1. He IS adopted. Hubby and I have to live EVERY DAY with the behaviors he was taught the first 9 years of his life. They are a reminder EVERY DAY that we did not raise him. If we had, he wouldn't have these nasty behaviors AND low self esteem.

2. He IS adopted. Every day, he was called a effin bast***d and the son of the devil from age 3-9 by his grandparents and now thanks to birthmoms drinkin, druggin and her own mental illnesses he can't remember anything. Every day, I have to remind him to do things that he should know how to do by age 15. EVERY DAY!

3. He IS adopted. He is now (on top of his disabilities)rebelling as his hormones have kicked in and he is playing the "opposite" game. Everything we tell him he needs to do...he does the opposite. On top of everything else.

4. He IS adopted. Our psychiatrist reminded us that by adopting him, we have preserved some of his intelligence and brain function and we should be happy about that. We are happy but living with a Developmentally Disabled(just enough to have problems but not enough to qualifiy for anything see) ADHD, Bipolar young man is very hard. VERY HARD. Our other son(Opie)is getting tired of his behavior too.

So...we have to acknowledge that our son is adopted. No....it doesn't feel like he is our own..it feels like we are cleaning up someone else's mess (birthfamily)and trying to help this wounded bird find some relief from his past. It feels like we get the brunt of his anger toward what has happened to him. I want my son to enjoy his life.....to enjoy his talents...to enjoy being in a family who loves him and will go to the ends of the earth for him.

I wish I had been his birthmom.

I wish he had had boundaries when he was a child.

I wish I could have gotten him the Early Intervention Services that he deserved.

I wish he had been told all his young life that he was special and talented and smart.

I wish that he had had the right nutrition and gotten sleep and exercise.

I wish he could have had a different nickname than "effin bastard" and "Devils Son".

I wish..I wish.,..I wish.

Wishes like this never come true.

BUT.... what I can have is this:

I CAN lift him up every day to a God who calls Himself, God Our Healer.

I CAN tell him every day that he is special and smart and talented.

I CAN hug on him and show him that he is not the effin bastard he was told he was.

I CAN give him boundaries even when he is hopping mad.

I CAN go a million times to bat for him with the teachers, doctors, therapists and any other services he need.

I CAN take the people who misunderstand him and tell them off if I have to or tell them to MTOB!!! (mind their own business)

He is not my bio son and I will never act as if he is. He is the son of my heart, which quite frankly is deeper and more joyful and painful than the son of my loins. I will fight for him for as long as I live.

And then...maybe...jut maybe...he might see LOVE. He might.

I can hope. I can hope.

Why The Roses Celebrate Easter!

2010-04-01T09:32:00.000-07:00

This is what makes it possible for the Roses to continue on the journey of faith and healing in our corner of the world! I hope you have it too!

"But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed." Isaiah 53:5

We Are In Hyper Hell!!!

2010-03-15T10:35:00.000-07:00

Over the last 2 weeks since J has been home, it has been worse than before he went to the hospital. They took him off the ADHD meds and then told us that was what was causing the delusions(although he still kind of has them but not so profound). Now, he is bouncing, tripping, moving constantly. He is in peoples faces when they don't respond to him immediately. School has called EVERY DAY this last week and quite frankly..I dont blame them!

No matter how many vitamins we give him, no matter how much exercise he gets, no matter how many exercise balls he gets on and bounces out some energy..there is still more. Then there are the lack of manners too.....snotty nose and crusted food...all on his mouth and face. (he is 15) We have tried the "sit at the other table consequence, the eat only peanut butter consequence"...it doesnt matter(this time he has now done both for 2 weeks)!!

He goes to bed exhausted and then wakes up ready to bounce again...trying to get more of a sense of humor.....not working. Tired, overwhelmed, docs not listening. Doc told him last week he may have to go to a residential treatment center if he doesn't comply..how can he not comply if he has no help???? The ADHD meds at least kept him sane enough to focus and do his work at school.

There is NO PEACE at our home. There is ONLY CHAOS!! I need a vacation! The docs said that they would not leave him alone OR leave him at others homes right now....how long is right now?

Just venting today.....very tired BUT going to work to get away from it! Hubby is incredible....he is off this week because of spring break and is handling the boys. I will have to take over when I get home. 0-; Working late today!!!

Adoption and Coffee

2010-03-03T13:42:00.000-08:00

Hubby and I are selling coffee. All monies will go toward expenses for J and S's medical issues, schooling and other expenses incurred for their special needs!

1. You can buy it ground or beans
2. It is Free Trade Friendly(which basically means the workers are paid fairly)AND organic
3. We would suggest a Sampler at first and you can try it and see which ones you really like
4. This is an open ended store so you can purchase ANYTIME....
5. For every purchase, we receive $5 from the sale.

6. Pass on to your friends and families who are coffee fiends!! This website is adoption friendly and the rest of the sale goes to help an orphanage in Ethiopia

http://www.justlovecoffee.com/theroses4

We REALLY appreciate your help and support!

Ever Feel Crazy?

2010-03-01T17:40:00.000-08:00

Today I started the day with J starting up again about "the end of the world" and having special messages from God. Called the psych and he was ticked I had accidentally called his cell at 7:30a.m.
Left the "same" message on his nurses phone and have not heard anything....go figure! Once again, egos win out!

Then was late to work, couldnt find the dang place. Finally got there and did what I needed to do.

Picked up the boys and they had decided to "stray" away from the designated route so I had to ground them. They protested(am I surprised?).

The day has ended with J deciding to shave his eyebrow (just one) and in his own deluded mind, think it is cool. I dread for him the taunts and laughs he will get at Junior High. He has no clue. He will come home tomorrow and wonder why everyone was laughing at him.

I want to pull away from him when he acts this way...I feel scared to love on him.

On days like today, I feel like I am living in a crazy house. I am affected more than I thought by the Marie Osmond son's death and I guess it is because it could be us one day! (Boy I am depressed today!!!)

I cant wait to go to bed and hopefully start over tomorrow with a better attitude. Lord,,,, I need you to breathe on me tonight as I sleep....I need refreshment from you.

Adoptive Mom, Marie Osmond, loses her son to suicide!

2010-02-28T14:45:00.000-08:00

Every mother who has kids who suffer from mental illness...nightmare!

Marie Osmond's son committed suicide, police say

February 28, 2010 4:14 p.m. EST

Marie Osmond's Web site says her eight children are "always her greatest treasures."

STORY HIGHLIGHTS

Michael Blosil was 18 years old, one of Osmond's eight children
"My family and I are devastated and in deep shock," entertainer says in statement
Family spokesman announced Blosil's death Saturday

(CNN) -- The death of Marie Osmond's 18-year-old son has been classified as a suicide, police said Sunday.

A family spokesman on Saturday said that Michael Blosil had died.

Los Angeles Police Department spokeswoman Karen Rayner told CNN she could not release further information because the death is a Los Angeles County coroner's case. The coroner's office said the case was on "security hold" and nothing further would be released Sunday.

In a statement issued Saturday through a spokesman, Osmond said: "My family and I are devastated and in deep shock by the tragic loss of our dear Michael and ask that everyone respect our privacy during this difficult time."

Osmond's Web site describes her as "the proud mother of eight beautiful children who are always her greatest treasures."

Marie Osmond and her brother Donny hosted the national television variety show "The Donny & Marie Show" from 1976 to 1981.

Afterward, she had acting and singing careers. She recently competed in a season of "Dancing With the Stars."

In 2001, she wrote "Behind the Smile," about her experience with postpartum depression.

Eat a Pancake for Childrens Hospitals!

2010-02-22T08:49:00.001-08:00

IHOP National Pancake Day - February 23, 2010 - Pancake Day Details

We are eating at IHOP tomorrow in order to support Children's Hospitals across the nation...Our boys have benefitted from the EXCELLENT hospital in our state that is 10th in the nation for GREAT Children's Hospitals! #1 in the Southeast! Go eat a pancake for your child! NEVER know when you might need a good hospital, huh?

J-Boy is Home!

2010-02-20T17:46:00.000-08:00

J is home. We picked him up yesterday. He is completely off his ADHD meds and I am a little wary. He is very hyper but the other med they have put him on is supposed to help him calm down soon. I hope so! (-;

Thanks so much for your prayers. God is good and got us through this...we knew he would. We are adjusting to him being back home after almost a month and that is strange.

There were some bad habits he picked up from the other kids/aides that we have to "cleanse" him from(TV ALL DAY-free time-and BAD TV!; sugar EVERY day, Caffeine EVERY DAY). He also met kids who burned themselves, cut themselves and who were severely depressed. All the time he was there, I prayed that the Lord would protect his heart and his mind. I know you can't protect your kids from everything....but.... The good news is that we talked about it and we had some good discussion about WHY they did it.

Continue to pray for adjustments. He is going back half a day for the first few days back to school. His teachers have been marvelous and we couldn't have asked for a better school for him to be in! The folks there care so much about our son and we are so blessed. One teacher came by today and brought some make up work for him to do so he wouldn't be so far behind. He didn't have to do that! What a guy!

God is good and we are hoping to get back to a fairly normal "Rose" routine soon! I have readjusted some of the lists we make for him to remember and redid his room(which he loves) and so I hope that will help him too!

The boys argued today so I knew some things were falling back into place!

Peace to you all
The Roses

Calming Spot

2010-02-16T14:49:00.001-08:00

Today, Hubby and I spent time in J's room getting it ready for his return from the hospital. We have come to accept (at least as much as we can right now) that our son has a major mood disorder and some developmental delays which means that we are having to readjust our way of living AGAIN. He has been in the hospital the last 3 weeks getting meds adjusted because he keeps growing!! (that is a good thing(that he is growing) since he is only in the 5th percentile for his age(15) in height and weight-that is ANOTHER health issue we are working on conquering!!)

Anyway, we have been working on helping him learn organization AND have a "calming spot" when he gets out of hand so he can go to and rest and regroup. We did some research and found that a number of our friends and cohorts in the "special needs" kids category have specifically designed their kids rooms to be comfortable, safe and clean. We have taken away a lot of things that would be harmful to him if he tried to hurt himself and freed things up to feel some space yet feel comfortable.

I thought about how "cluttered" our hearts and minds get sometimes. Mine has been extremely cluttered lately. I have had all kinds of thought and questions for God about why all this has happened to our son, to us as a family. And I know all the cliches'(this will make you stronger, God is in charge, you are a blessing to J-what if he had never had you). All those things are true....but in the midst of suffering and pain, it is hard to feel comforted by those words. I have to admit, I have been very grumpy lately(ask Hubby and "Opie"), I have been extremely tired while nursing a cold, I have been overwhelmed and depressed some moments with thoughts of
the "rest of our lives".

......then today... I had asked a friend who is an interior designer to come over and help us make do with what is in J's room and help us to "de clutter" his room. As I went through the act of de-cluttering, throwing away things that had been broken, old papers, reading through old cards and notebooks of my son and seeing where he was even a year ago, my heart began to wake up and all the horrible, self centered thoughts of "poor me" "poor J" poor us....seem to float away as the room came to be the new "calming room" for J! I had been reminded of all that he had come through over the last 5 years and I felt "hopeful"...

I went on to work feeling exhilerated and refreshed..not tired and grumpy....a new beginning of a new phase of J's (and ours) journey. He will come home and we will teach him a bit more on keeping his life a bit more organized and also on how to calm down when he is upset and angry.....hey...maybe Hubby and I need a "Calming Spot" in our bedroom!!! hehe

God is good...Hubby and I both feel good about J's coming home. We are ready.....now we wait and anticipate the goodness of his return home. We will be complete again!

And as I learned in Al Anon....ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!!

Lisa

PS Will post pictures when we get all the little last minute things done!

The Tornado Will Be Coming Home Soon!

2010-02-14T18:46:00.000-08:00

From Facebook Prayer Page
Lisa

February 14 at 8:36pm
As of this weekend, we are still waiting for the meds to balance out things (we have heard good reports) and see what docs say about J's release.

To be quite honest, We have mixed feelings about it. On one hand, We miss our boy and want him home. We are tired of seeing him have to sit in a ward in a hospital room and not really get to "go outside". No one really "cares" about our son the way we do(although the nurses and aides have been great). They won't go out of their way to care for him and help him with the deficits he has in processing things.

On the other hand, we are hesitant to have him back home. We have had to come to more realization that our son has a long term illness...a mood disorder that won't go away. It is his challenge in life and he is going to have to learn to manage his illness..with one glitch...J has processing challenges and developmental delays that hinder his always understanding everything. It is not just ADHD...he has some serious deficits in thinking and will probably always be immature in some areas of thinking and living. That is hard when he "looks" healthy and doesn't always act out. Being separated these almost 3 weeks has been interesting. The house is not in disaray, there is food in the fridge(okay that is just a teen thing!!!!), there are no "accidental breakages" in the house. We are sleeping well and having calmer days!!! It has been a great time of rest and relaxation and all three of us have slept and been sick and repaired our bodies.

Don't get me wrong..we love our son...but only if you have had a child with multiple challenges can you understand the mixed feelings. It is one of those battles that you know you have to fight because of the love you have for your child but the battle is long and weary at times.

What can you pray for this next few days??

1. That the docs will NOT send J home unless they KNOW he is ready.
2. That we will prepare our hearts and minds for the feisty tornado that will soon be coming this way!!
3. We are going to have to lower our expectations of what J is capable of and accentuate his strengths. We need "Holy Wisdom" in that area.
4. That we will continue getting well and recouped for J's return.

As a friend once shared...we are going to be "Shifting our sails AGAIN" (thanks Ada!) and seeing what this next phase of our life holds. We are excited and cautiously optimistic as we prepare to bring J home this week quite possibly. Pray for all of us as we follow the Lords leading and gain strength for all we do in our lives.

Blessing to you as you send prayers and support!
Our Family

Dont Forget Haiti...Happy Valentines Day!

2010-02-14T15:35:00.000-08:00

Hospital+long travel+son in emotional pain=tired parents!

2010-02-09T14:38:00.000-08:00

For those who don't know, J has been hospitalized(about 3 hour round trip from here) now since January 26th. He was beginning to be delusional and way out of sorts. He had been smearing feces on the walls and other crazy things. We got the docs to admit him. They are taking him off all meds and starting over. Right now...off most of his meds, it is hard seeing him this way. I feel helpless as his mom and have been spending a lot of time trying to convince God to change things around NOW!!! I feel that I can do nothing right now except pray for my son and I think that is right where God wants me. I need to let Him be in charge because He loves my son far more than I ever could. I need to let Him heal my son in His way and His time. This is hard for me!! (-;

From email to family today:
February 9, 2010.....prayer update to family!
Went to see J this weekend. He is off almost all of his meds and is not doing well. They are going to be doing some tests this week to try and determine the depth of his emotional pain(can you really measure that??) and then determine where we go from here. It was a very stressful meeting with the doc and visit with J. He is delusional and in deep emotional pain. He was rude and was testing me every minute. He was stand offish one moment announcing he would rather live at the hospital and crying in my arms the next begging to come home. He has been a pain in the @#$#@ with his teacher and charming the next minute!

PRAY PRAY PRAY! I have never been so tired in my life. Hubby had to stay home this weekend and get well from a cold he has acquired. We are alternating visiting J so Brother(who also has issues) doesn't have to go every time and so he won't fall apart as well.

Please continue to pray:

1. For docs for wisdom--Psychiatry is a gray area! Working with the brain is such a mystery and when we don't know exactly all that he endured, it is hard to know which direction to go. We have very good docs and we trust them to do their best.
2. For J to feel God's deep healing in his heart and mind.
3. For our family to get rest and relief when we can and to have God's strength when we can't.
4. For the grace and strength to stay focused on our jobs and for Brother, his schoolwork, because we all miss J very much. It is not the same without him.

Being Grateful!

2010-01-22T11:13:00.000-08:00

If it were only this easy with our boys!! hehee
Update

I tend to use this blog to vent sometimes because not many people understand what we go through with our son J. He is 15 an has been all out of sorts for 7 weeks now. We got some med changes and he is "calmer" . He is still defiant and has done some 2 year old behaviors lately(I will spare you the details but they involve poop!). We have now told him that he will clean the whole area now when he does that and if he continues, he will have to start wearing an adult diaper since he cant seem to control himself. He did not like that but he has not done it since. We did not shame him..it was just matter of fact. All that to say it has been ONE LONG MANIA episode this time. Now he is calmer and I love those moments...I can see my kid the way he can be!! We are now getting him tested for Aspergers. Anyone out there familiar with it?

Being Grateful
I think I need to list today things I am grateful for:

1. Your blogs! They inspire me and I dont feel alone!

2. My Post Adoption Support group of mom friends! We help each other out all the time!

3. My husband who said it is we can afford to hire a housekeeper once a month for a "good cleaning" so I can have some peace.

4. My boys: S has grown and developed immensely and is doing so well. He is my little (although he is over 5ft now as he reminds me so often AND 14 years old)computer geek. He is becoming a good "younger brother" to J and learning about his disorder. S is my hugger and I love it! He keeps me sane!

J is my explorer. He is fascinated with how things work. I am hoping his attention span will grow enough to learn how to put things back together. (-; He is trying when he is calmer. He does well in school despite all the crazies during a mania! I love him. He is our first son. He has come along way since he was 10 and came into our home. I am thankful.

5. I am thankful for my job. My boss is incredibly grace filled when it comes to doc appts, school appts and other things we have to do to maintain our crazy life! I couldn't anywhere else. I would get fired!

Happy Weekend...hubby and I are going to get CPR certified this weekend for Foster Parent Training.

Ways to Help Haiti..from a missionary IN Haiti

2010-01-14T08:19:00.000-08:00

Hi all!

My niece is stuck there from a mission trip. Pray that she finds a way to contact her dad in MN. Her name is Rebecca Rose and she is volunteering at Sisters of Charity Orphanage at Del Mas 31 in PaP. Pray for all the Christans there to be the Heart and Hands of Christ.
Lisa

******************************************

Please be respectful of missionary requests...they are there and know what is needed. After 9-11-01 we got so much stuff in NYC, we didn't need and it went to waste! Please try and help in the exact ways these folks and others DOWN THERE are suggesting. Thanks, Lisa

From Troy and Tara:

You are asking what you can do ... we are going to need Diesel, Water, Food ... things you cannot really easily do. SO - give money. The two organizations Troy and I work with and for both need help and are both reputable. The giant organizations are fine too if that is what you prefer. Money is the number one need (and ability to purchase the supplies) and MEDICAL PERSONNEL. Coming down if you are not willing to risk and get in and clean out horrific wounds would just tax an already taxed place. Medical professionals should contact organizations with the ability to coordinate efforts and try to get here. It won't help to have more non-medical people to feed and house. Hope that does not sound harsh - but it is truth.

Troy and Tara Livesay

Follow their and suggestions on http://www.livesayhaiti.blogspot.com/

Some organiations that will use your monies for relief efforts:

Check with your own denomination or church first. Be the hands and heart of Christ locally first!

http://www.wmufoundation.com/

A note from WMU Foundation President David George: “We are collecting funds to assist our brothers and sisters in Haiti. Please send your generous contribution to: WMU Foundation, WMU HEART FUND – Haiti, 100 Missionary Ridge, Birmingham, AL 35242

http://www.haiti-relief.org/
Direct ministries to Haiti out of MN

American Red Cross http://www.redcross.org/

From your cell phone TEXT: haiti" to 90999

On top of the BiPolar...............A dose of.....

2009-12-30T08:29:00.000-08:00

We got a call from the Doc yesterday. J's White Blood Cell count is very very low and they are very very concerned. We went and got them redone. Now we wait...we will have one of 3 outcomes in the next few days:

1. Bad labs....that would be our best scenario!

2. Meds killing WBC so we would then have to do a hospital stay and redo some meds....eliminating which of the 5 meds he is on that is making him lose those WBC. And with that trying to make sure he is not exposed to stuff while we are helping him get back to good health.

3. Trip to the Oncologist or Rhuematologist for some more serious things.....trying to avoid the NEON flashing "L" word flashing in my mind!

Any of those will shape our new year in one way or the other.

I am a pre-griever!
I do better looking over each scenario, thinking about the worst situation and how I will handle it and then crying over what might happen. Then I end up turning it over to the Lord(those 12 steps really come in handy when this happens!) and then I can deal with the situation better. I have come to realize that docs REALLY hate crying mothers so I do them a favor and get it over with...that way I am able to focus on the details and work from there.

Last night I had the opportunity to drive to another town and back by myself and got 3 full hours to pre-grieve! I feel better today...able to handle all the serious looks in the pediatricians office this morning with some sense of balance.

Now we wait......we will know something Monday. Please say a prayer for our family. This will be a long weekend.

We will see what 2010 has for the Rose Clan! Good or bad...we will handle it!
Emmanuel.... God is with us...

Review of the Holidays....Living With Bipolar!

2009-12-28T20:15:00.001-08:00

Son#1 decided to poop in his pants and leave it in little pellets on the floor by his bed. He peed the other day in the car because he didn't want to see Christmas lights. He is 15. He has had an especially hard month with his Bipolar. I detest Bipolar!! It is THE worst monster that could overcome a child. I see J being trapped in his mania and depression and he is miserable.

(This was a happier day for Jason)

(this was taken a couple of weeks ago and he refused to smile..he was ticked off that he had to smile..he didn't "feel" like it!)

We are learning as a family to not be drawn into it but I will say that this year...he succeeded in bringing us down with him. This has been the worst Christmas family celebration since we have had him. He was all over the place and then very depressed...so depressed that he regressed. We also had a very intense therapy session last week....

NOTE TO SELF...don't do therapy 4 days before Christmas next year!

A friend who has her own blog shared Season of Love song from RENT(one of my favorite musicals and movies since I lived on the Lower East Side of Manhattan where it was set!). It reminded me that there are seasons of love....this is a season of trying to love a guy who is trapped in himself sometimes so deep we cant seem to reach him.

Here is the video..........
Seasons of Love

Merry Christmas to all my Adoptive Mom Peeps!!

2009-12-19T08:38:00.000-08:00

Steven and Jason helped at our annual Toy Sale for low wealth parents....they did pretty well. Steven(above) did very well and came home after a very long day saying he wanted to help people when he grows up!! Jason(below)annoyed the heck out of a lot of people and came home saying he wished he could have had all the toys....what a contrast in their development. Jason is older. (S-14 J-15) But very experience they have plants a seed..

I have the best husband in the whole world!!

Thinking of you all and praying that your holidays will be joyful and pleasant....may you find some rest and relax. Take care of yourselves this holiday!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-11-21T17:03:00.000-08:00

We are going to be on the road this week.......Eeyore wonders if our car will break down and Opie is already trying to tell us how to get there! He wants to be the map reader in the car. Problem is: he is too slow and we miss turns...we will figure it out.

These boys have so grown this year in so many ways.....the holiday MESS usually starts with Halloween and gets worse through Christmas. This year..it has been calmer in some ways...I guess the big difference is that it is not a RAMPAGE or GOING to the hospital.. YAY!

I am very grateful for my husband. He is so steady and calm most of the time and he gives me balance! Glad he is here!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Lisa

National Adoption Month Tip!!

2009-11-16T09:29:00.000-08:00

Russ and I just took a BREAK and went to a Weekend To Remember marriage retreat. If you have not attended one of these weekends, you should check it out. It was all about the marriage and taking care of us this weekend. Our local family group will be talking about self care this week at our our meeting....hope you are taking care of yourselves these days!

www.familylife.org

P.S. The icing on the cake was that when we got home and the boys started "paying us back" for leaving, we were so refreshed that we just let it slide....Eeyore just kept trying to get things stirred up and finally exhausted himself and went to bed! It is amzing what some spiritual refreshment and getting away can do to your psyche!

Question.....

2009-11-05T09:52:00.001-08:00

How does one go about getting a Personal Care Attendant in your home that works with teens with special needs? I'm not sure where to start and we need one! We need some assistance with our oldest and need a break as well!

What have your experiences been?

Thanks ahead of time!

Lisa

We are exhausted.

2009-10-31T20:38:00.000-07:00

This week I have felt like throwing in the towel on Son#1. (Those of you who are NOT adoptive parents...don't be shocked!). I am just so tired. Son#1 seems to be pushing and pushing and pushing and pushing.Hubby and I are tired of snot rolling down his nose, spit spilling out of his mouth and bad manners. HE IS 15!!!!! He constantly resists everything. He goes into his manic phases and thinks he knows everything(let's have a serving of BiPolar topped with teenager strong willedness...makes for a stomach ache when there is too much of it!).

We have actually considered a treatment facility this week and want to talk to our therapist about it. We can't seem to handle his stuff very well. I dont think we are equipped for all this. My husband looked at me the other day and said, "we didnt sign up for this".....he is right....we didnt. But we are there now...we will get through this phase somehow. I just dont like him right now.

Maybe we are so exhausted, we cant see the forest for the trees.... I dont know. Just a very, very difficult two weeks(actually 6 months but who is counting, right??). Going away for the weekend the middle of November. Can't wait!

Pray for us today.

Post Adoption Depression

2009-10-28T15:26:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't been here for a while. Overall things have been good. Boys were on football team this fall and that took up a lot of time! Was discussing this topic with a friend today and thought I might post this....has anyone felt any Post Adoption Depression? I go through stages......when I am feeling blue..it is usually when I am having to accept the limits that my sons have and giving up "my" dreams for where they really are. After the acceptance comes the realization that God has made these beautiful boys for me and hubby. We accept them where they are and we find joy in who they are.
Lisa

July 31, 2007/ Dr. Mark Lerner

The term "Post-Adoption Depression" has been used to explain the feelings of sadness that are experienced by many adoptive parents subsequent to the adoptive process. Unlike postpartum depression, which may be caused by significant physiological and hormonal changes (e.g., a sudden decrease in estrogen and progesterone in the bloodstream), Post-Adoption Depression cannot. Post-Adoption Depression focuses on the feelings of sadness that are experienced after the attainment of a long-term goal that has required time, money, effort, emotional strain and patience.

New York Post-Adoption Depression is a symptom that falls under a much larger umbrella - what I have called "Adoption Stress." The latter refers to the feelings, thoughts, actions and the physical and spiritual reactions of all parties who are involved in the adoption process (e.g., a mother who surrenders her child for adoption, an adoptive child, an adoptive parent, a compassionate case worker, etc.).

We can better understand and appreciate the depressive symptomatology experienced by many adoptive parents if we first consider 1) pre-adoption stressors, 2) stress associated with the acquisition of an adoptive child and 3) post-adoption stress. By focusing solely on Post-Adoption Depression, we miss the causative or related stressors that contribute to the adoptive parent’s feelings of sadness. For example, the attainment of a long-term goal of having an adoptive child often opens the door to seemingly insensitive questions from others about infertility and prior losses. These questions will likely stimulate unresolved feelings, and may cause adoptive parents to revisit pre-adoption stress. The acquisition of an adoptive child is often colored by serious medical concerns, "misunderstandings" and heartbreaking disappointments. And, the post-adoption experience is often marked by tremendous life changes, new responsibilities and a future marked by uncertainty and fear.

During a recent therapeutic session with a group of adoptive parents, we explored a number of participants’ feelings of sadness. Suddenly, one mother exclaimed, "I didn't sign-up for this!" Her comment was met by applause from several of the participants. Her statement underscores the complex continuum of "before, during and after stressors" that are faced by adoptive parents.

How can we prevent Post-Adoption Depression? First, we must educate all people involved in the adoptive process about Adoption Stress. If more people understood that the feelings, thoughts, actions and the physical and spiritual reactions were a normal response to a very stressful, multifaceted experience, fewer people would struggle with conflicted feelings. We must also focus our attention on parents who have been prone to feelings of depression and do not fare well when faced with considerable stress. We must encourage them to become involved in support groups or counseling. If we do this prior to parents entering into the adoptive process we can ultimately decrease the post-adoption stress that is experienced by many adoptive parents.

Written By Mark Lerner, Ph.D. of Adoptiondoctors.com

Disclaimer

The information and advice provided is intended to be general information, NOT as advice on how to deal with a particular child's situation and or problem. If your child has a specific problem you need to ask your pediatrician about it - only after a careful history and physical exam can a medical diagnosis and/or treatment plan be made. This Web site does not constitute a physician-patient relationship.

The LOVELY Frontal Lobe

2009-09-08T09:38:00.001-07:00

After all the nuero psych testing we did for J this summer, we have gotten to the point in our boys development where we can blame everything on that darn frontal lobe.

See, in "healthy" children, the frontal lobe fully develops by about age 25-26 years old. When I was working at a pregnancy crisis center, I went to a training that explained why a lot of girls get pregnant as a teen or a young woman....answer..the frontal lobe(where your impulses are controlled..or not)has not developed well. Made sense.

Then.....we adopted our two boys. They are very impulsive, "forget" things etc etc. My husband and I are trying our best now to look at each when they do something so far out......and just say...frontal lobe!! That is what the nuero psych testing has all concluded...that it might take a little longer to fully grow their frontal lobes to full maturity because of the neglect and abuse for 10-11 years for each of them. So in the meantime...when we are pulling our hair out not only because they are teens but because of their circumstances, we will just say....Frontal Lobe....

And thanks to the fact that our lovely "system" thinks that J is old enough to hear his own diagnosis and even though we told them he is a hypochondriac and LOVES reasons to tell others "why" he is doing what he is doing, he sat in on the discussion and now he says, oh, it is not me...it is my frontal lobe...GREAT!!W#%$#%$#$%$#$ Now more retraining.....

Reading Fun.........

2009-08-30T20:19:00.000-07:00

Rose Reading Fun!

We, as some of you know, we have continued to struggle with getting J..not to love...but even LIKE reading. He apparently struggled for so long before we had him that he has decided it is something he would rather not do. Unfortunately, in the grown up world, he will need to read and so we have been brainstorming (Hubby and I). We decided that Sunday nights, for about an hour or so, we would have a family reading night and we would all take turns reading out of a favorite book.

We started tonight and guess what...it worked. Hubby and I did the bulk of the reading...and J and S read a few pages each as we passed the book around. We were only going to read about 30 minutes but before we knew it, it had been an hour and a half and 10 chapters into the book. We started with our family favorite, the Hank Zipzer series by Henry Winkler(the Fonz)and even though it is a little below their reading levels, it was a funny book to start with and Hubby and I hammed up the characters and had the guys laughing and in stitches. S(though way ahead and loves reading)even got into the characters and accents. J hesitantly started reading out loud and as he was cheered on, loosened up and had fun!(oops don't tell him he had fun!!)

So we will try this experiment and see if it helps. Pray for J to enjoy reading and more than that, feel confident that he can read.(He always tests on grade level but he does it because he has to!!). He is now 15 and altough we have worked with him, he has slacked lately and avoided reading. He is continuously catching up. That is okay... "He who began a good work in J will continue until the day of completion". Phillipians 2

That is our family story for this week....

The "pig" has come to our home to visit!

2009-08-24T17:05:00.000-07:00

Yes!! The household has the H1N1Virus visiting our home. J is pretty sick and S is getting it. Hubby NEVER gets sick and I am running a low grade fever and taking tamiflu. J is the only one officially diagnosed along with strep!!

DO NOT Love being sick at the same time as the kids... They get sick...it is all about them. Forget about hubby "noticing" that everyone got breakfast except me and the cats!!! Dragging myself up!!
Good thing we have good friends who bring meals to help out!!

This will go on at least a week!
Lisa

Empty Me.........so I can be a "healing" mother!

2009-08-18T10:53:00.001-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDgzGN9WBSA

The boys are back in school...(YAY) and doing well into their second week. J is on the Jr High Football team and has bruised his arms, konked his head, cut his knees and elbows..ALL IN PRACTICE!!! He is doing it up big!!!

S is the Equipment Manager since he can't play contact sports and he is doing a very good job. He is very anal retentive(we call him AR for short!!)and so organizing everything is very important to him and giving out the "same amount" of water to everyone is the "fair" thing to do. LOVE THAT OCD!!!

Overall things are good....we had a family meltdown(annual thing after the summer) and now we are all back in the swing. A friend sent this You Tube song for some other reason but I sure think it applies to being a mom of special kids!! Lord help me!

See you later!

Havent written much this summer.....

2009-07-16T16:01:00.000-07:00

because we have been so busy enjoying summer and having a good time for the first time in 5 years...that is all I am saying for now. Have some thoughts brewing! Will write later!

Good Vacation

2009-06-24T08:46:00.000-07:00

WOW!

We had a great vacation this year. Not too much drama from either Drama Boy or Opie!!

WOW!

Good vacation...Im still in shock. That is all I have to say today.

2009-06-01T11:29:00.000-07:00

I am speechless today.....school has ended....another change for my RADishes. They are having a hard week so far. Next week is vacation...everything will be better once we are on the road.

HORROR Film called ORPHAN to be released in July!

2009-05-29T12:23:00.000-07:00

I am disgusted that film makers have decided to depict older child adoption this way. And in all things...a horror movie! I am just speechless. There are 500,000 children in Foster Care in the USA and this will be a step back for finding them permanent homes. This also affects kids from orphanages as well! This is a very sad day. My children will never be allowed to see this!

PLEASE pass on to all your adopted family friends. We have to do something. This is just horrible. What will this say to our children's friends who see this film about our kids?????

Please pray and if you are moved to do something about it..please do so.
Lisa Rose

********************
From Adoptive Families Magazine

Dear Readers,
There is a horror film being released on July 24, called Orphan, about a family who adopts an older girl who "is not what she appears to be." The film is currently being promoted, and the trailer is available at http://orphan-movie.warnerbros.com . The adoption message is extremely negative, and plays into the stereotypes of adopted children, particularly older children, as damaged.
Though we have not been able to preview the entire movie, the trailer leads us to believe the movie will send a horrific message about adoption. The adoption community is protesting the release of the film. We urge you to contact the makers of the film, as well as your local movie theater chains, with your concerns. Feel free to copy or adapt the sample letter below.
To whom it may concern:
I want to express my outrage about the release of the movie Orphan. The film plays into the stereotype of adopted children as damaged and dangerous. It discourages families from pursuing adoption, particularly adoption of older children, who are especially in need of loving homes. As an adoptive parent, I am horrified by the line in the trailer that "it must be hard to love an adopted child as much as your own." Adoption has often been misrepresented in the media, but the previews for this film are unbelievably offensive. I urge you to change the promotional materials, and to consider holding the release of the film altogether.
Contact information:
Warner Bros.
4000 Warner Blvd.
Burbank, CA 91522
818-954-6000
Silver Pictures
4000 Warner Blvd. 90
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Thank you for your support.
The editors of Adoptive Families
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JUST IN CASE YOU WANT TO SIGN A PETITION TO BOYCOTT THIS MOVIE!

Come check out this petition.

It's called: Boycott "ORPHAN" Movie

http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/OrphanMovie/

Thank you.
RUSS AND LISA

The Bizarro World of Attachment and all that goes with it!

2009-05-19T13:02:00.001-07:00

So, we have had a DECENT week...no screaming, high pitched, annoying tantrums that last for hours upon hours...we are now into stealing things from around the house. Last night....well...our life is never dull and sometimes really hilarious. Last night was one of the hilarious, shake your head, bizarro things that seem to happen at our house quite often.

Son#2(We will call Opie from here on out)has a propensity to steal things and hide them. I had sent him to the laundry room to get his clothes that he had been washing for 2 days(that is another story) and he was staying in there an awfully long time. I quietly went out there to see what was going on and he jumped when he heard me. He was in his pajamas and I saw a huge wad of something in the back of his pants. (I thought..oh no...he HAS regressed even more) Well, I jiggled his pants and out fell a huge chunk of change that he had stolen from my cars change holder. He had wadded them up in a shirt and wrapped them up. I brought him out on the carport and jiggled him and candy fell out....then more coins!! I looked at him and without me saying a word.....he said, " I dont know how that got there!"

I had to come in or I was going to bust a gut!

gotta laugh......

Dark Mood

2009-05-18T07:47:00.000-07:00

Our #1 son is a very negative-mooded boy. He continues after 5 years to wallow in self pity and fear after some great therapy, lots of love and support and living with happy parents.

For the most part, my husband and I are very cheerful and happy. We are not pollyanna, just at peace with ourselves and of course ...we know the BIG G!!It goes against our grain.

To be quite honest, my son's personality is the kind I avoided in college. I hate being around doom and gloom and he loves it. We usually send him to his room to be "pitiful" on his own but sometimes it is so frustrating. He tries so hard to draw us in and sometimes he succeeds. He succeeded this weekend and I blew up. I was so tired of it.....always negative, always pushing buttons, always crying when he gets caught doing something he shouldn't. and interestingly, he felt good after I lost it! I actually SAW a relief come over him....one that you see after you have released pent up frustration through exercise, had a good meal or a good nap! I SAW the face change. I realized then..he ENJOYS conflict and pain and sadness. He loves holding on to irrational fears and dreaming up ways he might be hurt one day. The other day, he told me he was afraid of dying. I asked him when he was going to die. His response..when I am old. I asked...when will you be old? Not for a long time. Oh..so why are you worrying now? Just in case? Just in case why? Just in case I forget to worry then. Oh.

How do you help someone who is so used to being blue get up?His meds work well when he works with them. I'm fer-clempt!

My heart aches

2009-05-14T13:49:00.000-07:00

I had to write this down. I have been sad about this since I heard it this week!

A new friend who has an adopted son who is 7 or 8 and mentally challenged was telling me that the birthparents who were always high used to put him in the dryer and turn it on for fun.

He will never be able to live alone and function alone. He will always have to have assistance.

Dear God...what is this world coming to?

Lisa)-;

a WOW Mothers Day!

2009-05-11T06:48:00.000-07:00

The Men in My Life

Growth

Son #1 (left in picture)
Oldest, been "home" for 5 years. Diagnosed some attachment issues, Bipolar/ADHD/PTSD.
Mothers Day Past 4 times.....whining, sabatoging, tantrums, doing everything to get the focus off of me and on to him!

May 10, 2009 Breakfast in bed(I only heard the smoke alarm once), heartfelt, well picked card with no help from dad....flowers(3 roses rep. the three guys in my life), well behaved all day.......dinner on Friday, cleaned house with dad on Saturday. WOW!

************************************************************
Son #2 youngest(of course) home 1 year (still waiting on finalization)diagnosed RAD, PTSD, OCD, ODD... selfish, not acknowledging Mothers Day on Saturday, yada yada........went to visit in hospital and he had made a beautiful, well thought out card in "school" there on the unit. He actually used the word MOM this year....last year he wrote "dear you" on it!! What an accomplishment.

What a WOW day yesterday.
Thank you God for the growth! Sometimes when we are in the midst of trials, it is hard to see the growth and progress the boys are making.

I'm smiling today!

Happy Mothers Day!

2009-05-08T07:46:00.000-07:00

This is a new song by Amy Grant. Although she has not adopted kids, she has had her struggles in life and her kids have had challenges as well!

Be blessed as you think about how the Lord has blessed you with this challenge and privilege. We may not get many kudos from our kids and it may not be the best day of the year for some of us....so let's encourage each other as we do what we are called to do as mothers of our wounded birds who are healing day by day!

Lisa
http://www.tangle.com/view_video.php?viewkey=8e2644b3755728bad33c

PS...the keys magically appeared Thursday night after reminding him that we might not get to go on vacation if I had to take any more time off from work. Wonder of all wonders!!!

"I felt the need to hide your keys"

2009-05-07T12:28:00.000-07:00

Son #1 fessed up. He wanted to hide the keys so he wouldn't have to go to the hospital to see Son#2. Would have been easier to get a babysitter.

(-; Problem is........he can't remember where he hid them...

Need I say more........

When It Rains It Pours...and it is also raining outside!

2009-05-06T14:32:00.000-07:00

This has been an interesting week for us...........

Son#2 was hospitalized last Friday
Saturday the other 3 of us were exhausted
Sunday we went to visit and #2 was a bit wacked out and mad at us
Monday, I stepped on a piece of glass and dug a hole in my heel an inch deep....
Son#1 lost my car keys and I cant drive anywhere...
I got a big ugly rash and thought I had shingles..turns out to be a severe heat rash from being out in the sun.....slept most of the day. Called #2 and he was very non chalant
Talked to hospital therapist and she ordered full psych work up and testing
YAY!
Tuesday-Felt even worse(tired) and still had to go through every room to look for keys.....no luck but at least house is clean
Hubby and son went through outside garbage and no luck.
Son#2 kept telling me on the phone that he didnt lose the keys!!!
Wednesday-Having to accept the fact that I have to have the car towed and pay $200 for tow and new" key" not keys!!

And in all of this...God is still in control!!

I know God will provide...if you read this tonight though...say a prayer that we find them before we have to call the tow truck tomorrow! YUK!

Wild Weekend/hospital visitation

2009-05-04T08:37:00.000-07:00

Son#2 is now safely in the hospital. We admitted him on Friday night after several trips to the ER to get him admitted but to no avail..no beds available! Finally, Friday, we got him in!

We are all tired today(Monday)after driving back and forth (3 hours round trip) and having to maintain some semblance of home for Son#1. He is a bit depressed(remember he was hospitalized back in November) because this is bringing back all kinds of memories of his hospital stay.

I am praying, praying, praying...that the docs will see some abnormal behavior. I am convinced in my unprofessional way that S has something deeper than PTSD. They are not. He does things at home that are very unusual and almost autistic like. They say I am being paranoid and it is all PTSD. I hate it when that happens...they think parents are paranoid yada yada....I will keep on them though!

He is tricky because he has such a high IQ that in their eyes, he couldn't possibly be sicker than he is. He can "fake" being "normal" around the docs. I have tried video taping, recording etc and then they say it is our fault and we are not doing the right things at home to keep him from being the way he is ????????????????????????????????????????

The bad news is that there are only two hospitals in our STATE that treat adolescents and we have the best one right now. It is a teaching hospital and is world known for other things...they don't see adolescent treatment as a priority...who does really, right?

Well we will plug along and pray a lot... maybe there will be a break through. I need a nap!
Son#1 and I are staying home playing hooky today so we can rest! He is watching Three Muskateers movie and I am..well...surfing!!

Happy Monday!
Lisa

Today is a Decent Day

2009-04-26T12:41:00.000-07:00

Today..the boys are doing well. We got up, they didn't complain or drag their feet, we went to church, ate lunch and now they are watching NASCAR and drinking sodas!! AND washing their clothes!! WOW! No yelling, no tantrums...hubby gets to take a nap this afternoon! WOW!

Just for today....I am grateful for what we are having today..a true SABBATH!!

Hospital for #2

2009-04-22T11:06:00.001-07:00

I can see it coming. Last night our therapist got to hear our #2 son rage for 3 and half hours. She told me that she was surprised he was still alive. (joking people!!). I told her it was by the grace of God. (-;

Pray for our Steven. Last night I felt so helpless. I didn't know what to do to make it stop....he is so angry. How do you help someone who is so angry and can't express it very well?Prayer is my only solution. Docs think we are over emotional parents. Therapist finally understood last night! Yea....he is very sick. Mentally...and somewhat physically. Ony God can heal this pain he has in his heart.

Thanks.

The Power of the Praying Parent

2009-04-17T09:18:00.000-07:00

I decided to copy this article from Nancy Thomas as we have found this to be true.....we asked a few days ago for prayer for Son#2 and the last few days have been good. We have had time to gather our thoughts. Thanks for the prayers and encouragement! Hope you enjoy the article.....

The Power Of Prayer In Parenting

by Nancy Thomas

www.attachment.org

The time I spend on my knees is one of the most powerful parenting interventions I have ever found. For years, as my children left for school in the morning, I would hug them and send them off with “ Have a good day!” As I would close the door behind them I would whisper a prayer for them from my heart to God’s ears. Last year while teaching in England I had the honor of staying with an amazing family. The awesome mom would encircle each child in her warm embrace and pray out loud for their safety and wisdom throughout the day. She would thank the Lord for the child with her gentle loving voice spoken gently as if held as a treasure between mother and child and yet covering the child with God’s protective shield. Each little one or teen was then sent off with the sound of their mother’s prayer echoing in their heart as they skipped off to school. What a GREAT IDEA! What a powerful message the child gets each day to hear their mother cover them with God’s grace. Research has shown that prayer works! Many of us believed without the scientific proof but for those “Doubting Thomas'” (no relation!) there are three books filled with the statistics and measurements Healing Words and Meaning & Medicine by Larry Dossey M.D., and Healing The Hardware Of The Soul by Daniel Amen M.D.My favorite saying is, “ God gives free refills!” My cup gets empty many times as a parent of children with special needs. Talking to God is the best way I have ever found to recharge and renew! (The next best thing is a hug from my cowboy!)The last thing I do at night before I close my eyes is pray. How many thousands of hours have I spent lifting my children up to Him?! The tally is immeasurable over the more than 45 years I have been praying. I had a family come to my home to study with me and learn better ways to help their disturbed child. I learn from every family I teach! The mother and father had a beautiful family tradition to all kneel together beside the child’s bed at night and pray together. What a GREAT IDEA! The child is sent off to sleep with the parents loving prayer filling their room and the power of God’s protection through the night. Children that have been traumatized must feel safe at night in order to have healthy sleep patterns. If they don’t sleep well they have a much harder time controlling their actions during the day. We have a family tradition in our home to all hold hands around the table and have a different one of us lead the family in a prayer of thanks before meals. When we have a new child we do not have them lead the family in prayer. Most of the children I have had in my home have shared with me that before they arrived they; either did not believe in God, hated Him or worshiped the devil. They believed that destruction, rage and hatred are more powerful than love, forgiveness and creation. They were more drawn to the dark side away from the power of love and God. Until we set the example of God’s unconditional love by loving the child and Him unconditionally they don’t understand how amazing and powerful that love is!

“ Where there is hatred… let me sow love.” (St. Francis)

Not a good day

2009-04-13T08:28:00.001-07:00

I'm feeing very defeated today. Son#2 continues to tantrum(scream, yeall and flail), steal and lie. I am weary..he always does it when he doesnt get what he wants. Hubby is ready to send him to a Children's home (we are not yet his legal parents...still in foster care) and our animals are all upset. Son#1 is holding it together but he will blow soon if something doesn't change. I am glad to be at work because I don't have to be around Son#2. I dont like his behavior and I am tired.

Pray for me today please.
Lisa

Perspective----Happy Resurrection Day!

2009-04-09T09:02:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yLE8EY0gMX4

So Far

2009-04-08T13:57:00.001-07:00

So far we have met with the psych resident S sees and all he had to offer was to remove the medication for anxiety and tell us how to parent!! Amazing.. I was relating to a blogger mom that it is amazing how those on the "outside" have so much to say to us who parent attachment challenged kids. We are ALWAYS to blame and "if you would do it just a little better and do what I say, you won't have any trouble and he will calm down all those tantrums". Our sweet 1st year resident has no kids even....only book knowledge. I had book knowledge too before we adopted our boys and it hasn't helped much! (-;

S has continued to spiral from very defiant to all sweet and huggy in a matter of hours in the past few days. I am tired, hubby is tired.

J is starting to act out today. He was holding it together until his psych gave him some compliments. WATCH OUT! ....pay back time!! Yep..this morning he threw a fit and had a rage which he had not had in months....years. He regressed right back to 3 years old in a matter of minutes! WOW!

Im tired. Friday SW comes to determine what to do....it is not going to be pleasant.

Pray for our family if you think of us!

Lisa

We Got to Visit with Our Neighborhood Cops This Morning.

2009-04-03T08:58:00.001-07:00

SETTING THE STAGE:
This week hubby had to work early every day which meant I got the pleasure of gettng the boys up and getting them off to school which on occasion can lead to major DRAMA...so hubby was off today and he offered to let me sleep in and take care of the boys. So, we got them up..I went back to bed and then the S>>>T hit the fan!

So then::::
One started whining because he didn't want what was being served for breakfast which set the other off and then it was a war.. Dad (who is ADD too., bless his heart, tried!)corralled them up and was almost out of the door when we found them..the cards in the laundry basket that Son#2 (Thing 2, ba dink a dink,etc)had stolen from out room(you don't go in our room without permission). By that time, I was up(too loud to sleep)and said to Son #2 very calmly "Since you went into our room without permission and stole your brothers things, you will hand over your gift card". He FREAKED! I mean FREAKED....crying, screaming, running out the door down the street screaming................then when he came home, he threw a tantrum and tried to kick me. We put into practice, the strategy that our therapist had taught us and he still was acting freaked. He started running around again.....ran out and so hubby called 911( to send him the hospital because he was not able to calm himself down supposedly..)well..while we were waiting for them to arrive, guess what, he all of the sudden got control of himself!! (by the way, son #1 had already been taken to school and this was now about 9am . I was late for work(thank God for nice bosses) and the police showed up! WOW! I love the police...they were firm, strong and very professional. Let's just say Son#2 was speechless(he is usually annoyingly talkative trying to argue his way out of things)ON THE WAY TO SCHOOL AFTER THIS VISIT!!

Have any of you had to deal with calling the police? Did it work?

The Red Sea, the Israelites, Adoption and Courage!

2009-03-27T11:45:00.000-07:00

I had a big insight the other day...every morning we read with our kids the Bible. We are in the Old Testament..they like the great stories of heroic effort and faith. We are reading about God giving Moses the direction to move the Israelites across the Red Sea and of course Moses says, "WHAT!!!!!!" and God says Trust me!!

So he gets the people down to the Red Sea and they are at the edge of the water.....the Egyptians are coming on them ready to fight and kill them and the Isaraelites PANIC....listen to a few of these verses and see what it sounds like to you!

Exodus 14:11-16,31

",..they saw the Egyptians and were terrified and cried out to the Lord. They said to Moses, ..."what have you done to by bringing us out of Egypt? Didnt we say to you in Egypt..leave us alone, let us serve the Egyptians(who were abusing them)It would have been better for us to serve them than die in the desert." Moses answered the people..."do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring to you today....the Lord will fight for you, you need only be still."

Well of course, Moses raised his rod and well, you know the rest of the story...the sea parts, the Israelites go across and as they are getting to the shore, they look back and the Egyptians are being swallowed by the sea.

When the Israelites saw what God did, it says that "they put their trust in the Lord and in Moses"(vs 31).

They had to cross the sea and be brave even though they were scared. But at the end of that journey...the Lord said...see, I brought you out of bondage, you are allright and you can trust me.

When we read this passage, the tears welled up. J and S are like the Israelites who had been in bondage for a long time. God sent someone to take them out of bondage and when the big act of courage came, they cried out to Moses saying, why did you take us out of bondage? We were safer there. We knew what to expect. This is scary. We will either die by the Egyptians or by drowning in the sea. How dare you ask us to trust you Moses and step out on faith..that is scary...but they did..and God rescued them and got them to safety. WOW!!

What do you think?

Meanest Mom Award

2009-03-23T09:22:00.000-07:00

Did anyone attend this school with me? According to my two boys, I am a mean mom! as I started to say in my last entry, I am so proud that they awarded me the title of Meanest Mom ever! Did you all see that woman on Good Morning America who sold her son's car because he had alcohol in it?
I love that...here is the video....anyone else trying for the award?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmJ3bYZaQWY

Oh, and what did I do to deserve this award? Grounded #2 for not completing his chores after several warnings...he is pouting right now. 4 days of grounding may save him 4 years in jail one day!!

They're Baaaaaaaaaaaa-cccccc---kkk!!

2009-03-20T12:38:00.000-07:00

Well, they are back. They had a blast...went into the sad, pitiful mode about leaving the fun and having to do outdoor chores today and tomorrow...oh well...I am so glad that they think I am a mean mom! (-; It is about time someone was a "mean mom" for them. How lucky are they!

Happy Spring!

Respite is Here!

2009-03-14T16:24:00.001-07:00

Need I say more??? See yall after Thurday!!

Happy thoughts

2009-03-13T10:38:00.000-07:00

I looked back at the past two posts and saw how dreary I was feeling. Chalked it up to feeling terribly under the weather. The boys are getting ready to go on respite FOR A WEEK and hubby and I are all giddy. With fear and trepidation, we are hoping that there will be no calls from Respite Mom telling us to come get them! We are cautiously optimistic that we will get a full weeks R&R. We have hope that we will.

Last night J and S were acting out and I realize, of course, that when I feel better, I do better but I slipped last night and popped one of them right on the cheek. J was being his usual obnoxious self as he goes through his "blue mood" of BiPolar and even though the meds take the edge off, he is still fatalistic and pessimistic. Since we have only had a diagnosis since the end of November, we are just now seeing some patterns in his moods. We are working on doing some things to bring him up during this time but he resists so much doing things to take care of himself. He is naturally pessimistic and that is a hard nut to crack.

My husband and I ARE naturally optimistic but we have seen sides of us that we didn't know existed. We are working on it. I have had to make amends to my son last night and today and we had a talk after we both calmed down. I know there is hope and as we grow together, we will find a rhythm to work things out. As our buddy Lisa said in her comment...maybe they need to see us fall apart and reconcile so they can learn. I agree.

Happy Weekend everyone....hubby and I will be out of pocket for a few days! Loving the time off!

Crazy Afternoon....

2009-03-11T16:35:00.000-07:00

It hurts my heart when my boys don't take care of themselves. Today, J came home with blood all over his pants. He told me he got hit by a basketball in the mouth and his mouth bled a little. At first, I thought, Okay he is not going to go into hypochondria mode and he will just accept the fact that sometimes you get hurt a little playing a sport......then...oh no..here it comes.....he started off on how he knocked his tooth loose. Okay, so I put on mommy mode and checked his tooth. It is fine, I say. It is not loose. You are okay. Well, that did not soothe him. He started arguing with me, telling me IT WAS LOOSE...SEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! He started trying to move it back and forth. So, I try to be calm and tell him that he is okay. That our teeth are a little loose sometimes (ie: repeating what the dentist told him before) and that if he continued to move it back and forth, it WOULD become looser, but that didn't help. I admit it...he got to me today...I let loose and let him have it. I told(yelled) him that I was tired of him not taking care of himself and to leave his freaking teeth alone. Then I went into ALL THE OPPOSITES of what I know doesn't go anywhere....you know what I am talking about...."I have spent all this money on your teeth...yada yada" Not phased. Then he began to the "poor pitiful me" mode and I had to ask my husband to take him to church because I was going to loose it! (By the way, I am at home today with a killer sore throat and fever and that is foder for J )

I hate how I reacted. I will have to apologize for my behavior this afternoon. I dont know if any of you deal with this but I get very angry when my kids hurt themselves or dont take care of themselves. What do I do? I guess this is leftover from my last post.

Tomorrow will be better. I am counting on it! They are getting ready to go on respite for a few days so hubby and I can rest. That might be one thing,,,,,,, See.....right now...nothing is ever normal...transition is so hard for these guys. Will it ever end? Only the Lord knows!!

Forgiving birthmoms and dads and grandparents.

2009-03-05T21:02:00.000-08:00

I am struggling again today. Yesterday, in one of our many doctor visits, I got mad at birth mom...again...for the hundreth time. Why? Because our #2 son has more medical issues....that could have been fixed as a baby. He has flat feet....pes plantus...sounds awful. His legs have grown where his ankles and feet are awkwardly out of line and he can't run well, he can't jump well, he cant even do simple jumping jacks. He has scolisis. He has to do these exercises to help him lift his legs because he has no muscle tone. He is failure to thrive because he never got adequate nutrition....and on and on and on.......whenever I hear the doctor say that this could have been fixed early on...I get really mad at dead birthmom. Whenever I see my son cying because he has to go to one more doctor and get blood drawn, I get angry. Whenever he asks me why D__ did not get him help, I get angry.

Whenever I see my other son struggle with learning math or get frustrated when he cant read as fast as others in his class, I get angry. When I see his self esteem shot because he was called a F___in Bas_____every single day of his childhood, I get angry. When he has to be hospitalized because his PTSD overwhelms him, I get angry.

ALL of their challenges are from their experience, not necessarily genetics.....I just get angry. I see what they are and what they can be and then the self esteem demon that takes over in them and they do something to not take care of themselves and I get angry..not at them, at the birthparents. The thoughts that go through my head are incredible. I haven't ever felt this way about anyone before.

I have to learn forgiveness. I have to. If I want to be a mom who wants to teach her children how to forgive others, I must forgive too. As a Christian, it is an act of obedience. It is not a feeling. It is a matter of will and not feelings. I confess my heart to my Savior and Lord. He understands. I know that...I also know He knows forgiveness is a journey. I will get there. I have confidence in that. It is the getting there that is hard. Once a friend told me that she had to wake up every day and as an act of her will, forgive her ex husband who left her with four children to raise while he ran off and had an affair and got married to the affair and did not support the children. She said that every day she made a choice to forgive. ( I am having to learn to do that). She said that one day after several years, she got up and as she had for many years in her devotion time with God, started to say, "Lord as an act of my will...I am choosing to forgive D_____". She realized that morning she had finally forgiven him.

So, today for only the hundreth time or so, I say, Lord as an act of my will, I am going to forgive R_____. I am going to forgive D____. I am going to forgive J______. I am going to forgive D______and I am going to forgive all the others who saw what was happening to my two boys and did nothing about it. Seriously. I WILL wake up one day and will have forgiven them all. Until then, Lord, help me keep my emotions intact and my mouth shut!!!!

I can also say Thank you Lord for the privilege of your trust in me and hubby for giving us the gift of re-parenting them and for the gift of your carrying all of us when it gets overwhelming.
I am glad we are not alone in this journey. I feel some peace right now that He will help me forgive and I in turn will help teach our boys to forgive.

Screaming

2009-02-24T09:21:00.001-08:00

I hate to hear 13 year olds screaming as if they are 3 having a tantrum! S ran around the other day screaming at the top of his lungs and acting crazy. He ran outside and was yelling at the top of his lungs. What does one do? He plays pitiful very well.

I tried to go to my "quiet place" but he broke the sound barrier!!!

After he stopped he acted as if nothing had happened. Here we go again! We know all this because Son#1 did it.....I think Son#2 is going to be a tough nut to crack.

I just hate screaming..it is like finger nails running across a chalk board. YUK!

Thanks for letting me vent.

Happy Valentines Day to All the Moms Out there!

2009-02-13T09:29:00.000-08:00

We love these two rascals even when they drive us crazy!!

A short video for you ladies!! I am sure you have seen this but Anita is hilarious!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6P2w5GkXmU

Happy Valentines Day!

TPR done!

2009-02-09T09:08:00.001-08:00

Steven is legally free! Nuf' said! Yea God!

TPR Monday the 9th at 9am CST

2009-02-08T17:27:00.000-08:00

PRAY THIS MORNING PLEASE!

Teen Angst

2009-02-06T12:26:00.000-08:00

Mom: I told you to set your alarms. the car is leaving at 7:30a.m. If you are not in it, you will have to walk to school. It is 29 degrees today. AND, if you don't have a parent sign you in, they will send you back home! Too bad for you...and I will not send you with an excuse!

J: I AM NOT going to set my alarm.(walks into the bathroom an grunts)I hate you!

S: I like to sleep in. I am tired. I am growing. You said so yourself!

Mom: But you still have to get up! I am tired all the time but I still have to get up!

S: Call my social worker!!!!

Mom: Why?

S: I want to leave this house!

Mom: That is interesting! Why?

S: BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT TO GET UP AT 6A.M. AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME! THAT IS CHILD ABUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! @#$%$%$@%# (some unknown words were said)

Mom: Sorry you are feeling that way, but they don't remove you because you don't want to get up in the morning.

S: Why not?

Mom walks away!!

They actually made it by 7:30....anyone else have any problems getting kids up in the morning?

When will this end???

Grief

2009-02-02T09:58:00.000-08:00

This month marks the 1st anniversary of J's maternal grandma dying and the 2nd anniversary of S's mom dying. We have already seen some regresson in their behavior this past week..

J was doing really well for the last few months and now he is talking baby talk again like, " I not know who did that"(he is 14).....cutting snippets of his hair with the scissors for no good reason, sassing back to me ALL the time this week, this morning refused to get ready for school(he hates school,getting into this "poor me, I hate living, I cant go on, doomsday mindset). J is a BIG feel-er and he is the KING of Drama at our home.

S on the other hand, likes to "threaten" to call DHR and get himself removed. He tries to use that as a way to "scare" us into letting him do what HE wants, WHEN he wants it. He is not happy that it doesnt work in our house so now he has resorted to sitting in his room, screaming at the top of his lungs (yes he is 13)as if he is being beaten and then jumping on his bed screamng, WHY ME!! WHY ME!!! It is accelerated this past week since anniversary and TPR are coming up.

Grief is a funny thing...it can sneak up when you least expect it and then jump up and bite you!

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal......love leaves a memory no one can steal"

~From a headstone in Ireland

AWESOME BOOK and WEBSITE

2009-01-29T06:21:00.000-08:00

You all may have read this book already but I just got it and it is very good.
It is a Love and Logic book on Parenting Children with Health Issues(physical and mental).

Check out the website. www.parentingchildrenwithhealthissues.com

Happy Thursday!

TPR News!

2009-01-27T12:40:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone!

With all of S's medical stuff going on...a bit of good news. TPR will occur on Monday, February 9th at 9am. CST Please lift us up..there should be NO problems since birthparents have been deceased for 2 years and no relative wants him BUT you all know the system so you know that anything is possible. After this, as you know,we will go forth with the adoption finalization. We are cautiously optimistic! Thanks ahead of time for your prayers! This broken bird needs a permanent nest to call his own. His medical issues and all our doc appts have gotten to him these days. BIG meltdown last week. Then he got sick with strep!

2009-01-13T13:31:00.000-08:00

It looks like S has what is called Loeys Dietz Syndrome. There is a lot going through our heads right now and it is overwhelming to think about the down side of this syndrome but we know the Lord is in charge and we are S's family and he will make it in this new journey!

Please pray for us as we wait on some more gene testing and then look at what we have to do!
www.loeysdietz.org

Peace,
lisa